Monica

I always felt different and was never comfortable until I found drugs. When I was 19 I fell in love with heroin. It made me feel like I was everything I wanted to be. That delusion soon faded when I began putting heroin before everything else in my life. If it didn't have to do with me getting high, I wasn't there. I went from living in a house with a loving family to a room with a mattress on the floor with no sheet or blanket waking up covered in roaches and that was okay because I had heroin. Then one day the heroin stopped working. I felt miserable and then pain I felt as a teen came back. I lost my job and was forced to get clean. I lost my job and was forced to get clean. I went cold turkey but within 7 days the pain and uncomfortability came back and I wanted to be normal so alcohol became my best friend and that same love I found in heroin I found in tequila, wine, etc. Everything seemed great until alcohol ceased to be a luxury, it became a necessity to function.

The same pain I felt I wishing I would never wake up came back and my wish almost came true when I drove black out drunk and crashed my car but somehow made it home. That morning I realized I was going to die or I was going to kill someone so I pocketed my pride and I asked for help. My life changed. I went to AA and HA and realized I wasn't alone. I was just sick and I followed the directions I was given and I had an awakening and that void I was forever trying to fill was finally filled.

I found a relationship with god and it not only changed my life, but gave me a life and today I'm a functioning member of society. I'm genuinely happy and I don't wish for death. I'm present and I'm able to look at my reflection without shame and be proud of who I am. I've been given a gift and that is living everyday in the moment and grateful no matter what life throws at me. I've never had it so good.