Brenda Mattson

Excruciating. I did damage to every relationship I had. I would sit on the toilet every morning, for the better part of four years wondering how my life had become that. It hurt, but I couldn't stop.

It all started with a weekend camping trip my husband and I went on in August of 2011. We got blasted on Black Velvet and Mt Dew. We laughed, sang "Kryptonite" by Three Doors Down over and over, danced, and drank by the fire. We had such fun that we wanted it to continue. The next weekend, we bought more BV and Mt Dew and went out trail riding in his Jeep up in some local mountains. Sang again, laughed and had more "fun". We decided that drinking on the weekends wasn't bad...just a few drinks. Then we decided it wouldn't be bad to have a drink or two a couple nights during the week. It continued on and on and before we knew it, it was every night. I started drinking to the point I would black out. The next morning, I wouldn't remember anything from the night before. I would get on Facebook or text people mean and awful things. I succeeded in alienating most of my family and friends. Late the night of July 14, 2015, an event happened (too long to explain and pretty irrelevant anyway) that devastated my hope. My husband had already gone to bed. I felt hopeless and found myself sitting on our couch, looking at the seat beside me thinking, "that's where someone contemplating suicide would sit. I'm THAT close!" I dropped to my knees and started praying and praying, crying and crying. I truly, in those coming moments, felt Jesus pull me up onto His lap and hold me while I cried out that I wanted off of that hamster wheel of drunken hopelessness. I gave the Lord my alcoholism in that moment and have not looked back since. I haven't craved it, desired it, I didn't have withdrawal symptoms, I was just...DONE. I take absolutely ZERO credit for my sobriety. Jesus took it from me that night and together, we nailed my alcoholism to the Cross. I spent four years at the bottom of a bottle of booze. July 14th, 2015, I took my last drink. Praise the Lord! I never take my sobriety for granted. I thank Him every single day for another say sober.

I promised myself that I wouldn't try to make amends with anyone until I had a year of sobriety under my belt. I didn't want to offer anymore empty "I'm sorrys" to anyone. I wanted them to know i meant it.

Today, I have made amends with everyone that I had hurt or disappointed during my drunken rages. I love life! I love my Lord, Jesus! My husband and I own a local restaurant and love life! We have struggled, but not with alcohol. Normal life struggles have happened, but they pale in comparison to the drunken nights of misery! I absolutely praise the Lord for saving me from alcoholism that night!