Shit that 12-Steppers Say

If you've ever been to a 12-step meeting, even once then you know what we're talking about. Those slogans they have that after a long day of work or perhaps a day of no work at all are enough to make you roll your eyes. The funny part though is how applicable they are to life, and how helpful they actually are regarding staying sober. That doesn't make them any less annoying. **disclaimer: This article is not by any means trying to place a negative view on 12-step fellowships. We believe that 12-step fellowships absolutely do work and they are an amazing way to obtain and maintain meaningful sobriety. Here is some shit that 12-steppers say:

One Day at a Time

"Really? Because I was already thinking about how I can't have a champagne toast at the hypothetical wedding I'll have to marry the guy I'm not even dating."

Just Don't Pick Up No Matter What

"Yeah, pretty sure if I knew how to do that I wouldn't be here."

Meeting Makers Make It

"Pshh, then why am I working these steps?"

Stick With The Winners

"Ugh, but the people sitting in the back row with all the tattoos who are playing on their phones and vaping look like so much more fun."

It Works If You Work It

"Uh... wait, what? What am I working? Yeah, I have a pretty busy schedule..."

Get a Sponsor and Work the Steps

"Oh Right. So I was thinking maybe I'd skip this part. The whole taking suggestions from someone whom I trust and tell the truth to, that's not really my thing. I just want to stop drinking."

Go to 90 Meetings in 90 Days

"Um, I don't see this in the 12 steps that you're already telling me I have to do, who the hell comes up with this stuff? 

The Newcomer is the Most Important Person in the Room

"Obviously you guys must not know about me. You mean you didn't see my Instagram selfie? I'm pretty important."

Pray For Them

"Listen. Clearly you just don't understand the gravity of the situation or you misunderstood what I said. I hate them, I loathe the very fact that they exist, I want to ... oh you did hear me correctly... you still want me to pray for them ... you sure you're sober?"

Let Go and Let God

"Why does everyone keep bringing up god? More importantly, let go of what? I'm not holding on to anything. My hands are open. I'm just standing here. With my hands open. Like a jackass."

Attitude of Gratitude

:: sighs in exasperated manner ::

Life on Life's Terms

"I don't even know wtf this means."

It's a Simple Program for Complicated People

"Oh yeah. It's SO simple. ALL I have to do is quit using, go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps, do service, change everything, be accountable, find a higher power, have a spiritual experience, pray, meditate, blah blah blah blaaaah!"

Progress Not Perfection

"Nope. I am the best. I am a golden goddess, a divine being that radiates perfection."

One is Too Many and a Thousand is Never Enough

"Hmn, just like these slogans."

Easy Does It

"You know, I most certainly do need to take it easy. I need some quality me time. I've really been overworking myself. I'll take the week off."

Time Takes Time

"Deeeeeeeep. I had no idea that's the way it worked. Who knew that time is indeed related to time. These people, that's who."

Insanity is Doing the Same Thing Over and Over and Expecting Different Results

"You people are insane."