Jun 6, 2013 | By Tim Stoddart

Recover from Codependency – A How To Guide

Mental Health

To recover from Codependency, you must first admit you have a problem.

Codependency (noun): Excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction.

There are many similarities between codependency and chemical dependency (addiction). Codependents develop unhealthy ways of dealing with the emotional pain they have related to their loved one’s addiction. They have trouble expressing their emotions, and they feel fear of abandonment, shame, low self-esteem, and the need to take care of someone excessively. Like addiction, you must work to recover from codependency.

 

 

 

You can recover from Codependency

In order to recover from codependency, there are three C’s you have to remember:

-You didn’t Cause your loved one’s addiction.
-You can’t Control it.
-You can’t Cure it.

To recover from codependency, it can be as difficult as recovering from the disease of addiction, which is why a codependent is sometimes referred to as a co-addict. Codependency is rooted in deep love and caring for someone, and it can feel very scary and wrong for a codependent to learn to put themselves first. In order to recover from codependency, there are several steps you need to take:

-You must detach yourself from the person who is addicted.
-You must look inside yourself instead of always focusing on the person who is addicted.
-You must recognize your own resiliency and ability to stand strong on your own.
-You must resolve past issues that are keeping you in codependency.
-You must break through your own denial about your situation.
-You must prioritize your own needs and put the needs of the person who is addicted last.
-You must ask for help when you need it during your recovery.

There are many organizations that can help you recover from codependency, just as there are fellowships like Alcoholics Anonymous that can help your loved one recover from addiction. Some of those organizations are Al-Anon, Alateen, Families Anonymous, The Tough Love program, Co-Dependents Anonymous, and Nar-Anon.

Al-Anon and Alateen are two of the most popular groups for the family members and codependents of addicts and alcoholics. Al-Anon and Alateen have their own 12 steps that are adopted and almost exactly the same as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Codependents Anonymous also has their own 12 steps. Another extended version of the 12 steps can be very helpful for people who want to recover from codependency:

The Twelve Steps for Codependents

1. We acknowledge and accept that we are powerless in controlling the lives of others, and that trying to control others makes our lives unmanageable.

2. We have come to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore enough order and hope in our lives to move us to a growth framework.

3. We make a decision to turn our lives over to this power, to the best of our ability, and honestly accept that taking responsibility for ourselves is the only way growth is possible.

4. We make an inventory of ourselves, looking for our mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, volitional, and social assets and liabilities. We look at what we have, how we use it, and how we can acquire what we need.

5. Using this inventory as a guide, we admit to ourselves, to God as we understand Him, and to other caring persons, the exact nature of what is within that is causing ourselves pain.

6. We give to God as we know Him all former pain, hurt, and mistakes, resentments and bitterness, anger and guilt. We trust that we can let go of the hurt we cause and receive.

7. We can ask for help, support, and guidance and be willing to take responsibility for ourselves and to others.

8. We begin a program of living responsibly for ourselves, for our own feelings, mistakes, and successes. We become responsible for our part in relationships to others.

9. We make a list of persons whom we want to make amends and commence to do so, except when doing so would cause further pain for others.

10. We continue to work our program, each day checking out our progress and asking for feedback from others in our attempt to recover and grow. We do this through support groups.

11. We see through our own power and a Higher Power, awareness of our inner selves. We do this through reading, listening, meditation, sharing, and other ways of centering and getting in touch with our inner selves.

12. Having experienced the power of growing toward wholeness, we find our bodies, minds, and spirits awakened to a new sense of physical and emotional relief that leaves us open to a new awareness of spirituality. We seek to explore our meaning in life by honestly sharing with others, remembering that becoming who we are is a lifetime task that must be done one day at a time.