Sep 14, 2015 | By Tim Stoddart
4 Things Sober People Do That Most People Don’t
RecoveryI have such respect for people in recovery.
It takes a great deal of discipline and sacrifice to do the things necessary to stay sober a day at a time. Granted, sobriety is not a cookie-cutter scenario. Everyone has a different journey and a different personality so there are always idiosyncrasies involved with everyone’s unique recovery program.
Through all of our differences, I have observed certain character traits that exist in most people in recovery. These character traits may be there from birth, or maybe they have evolved.
Let’s get started!
1 – They Self-Reflect
They have to.
For addicts and alcoholics, the drink or the drug is always calling to them. Maybe the obsession has been lifted, but there is always that little voice in the back of our minds that is telling us “maybe one day.”
If we stop self-reflecting and stop taking an evaluation of ourselves, we slowly start to slip back into our old ways. You have to understand yourself in order to fully grasp why it was that you drank or drugged in the first place. It is critical.
People in recovery are always trying to do a little better than they did yesterday. People in recovery are always striving to make progress. I find that once people get a taste of the good life recovery gives them, they try to apply it in all aspects of their lives.
Self reflection will help improve your life in…
- Your career.
- Your relationships.
- Your health.
- Your spiritual life.
- Your mental health and outlook.
- Your time management.
I am by no means claiming that people in recovery are better than or smarter than anyone else, I am simply saying that we do a good job at self-evaluating and finding ways to improve.
2 – They Are Honest With Themselves
Let’s just announce the elephant in the room.
Getting sober does not mean you are instantly a better person or that you will stop lying. I have seen (as I’m sure you have as well) many people who are sober but still live dirty lives.
I’m not judging. Everyone is free to make their own mistakes.
I am however implying that the majority of people in recovery have a good capacity to be honest with themselves. It is very difficult to remain sober if you are not.
RELATED: 5 Reasons You’ll Never Get Sober.
It is so difficult to lie to yourself. Somehow the truth always finds a way to bring itself to the surface. Denial is so rampant in our society. People are in denial about their weight, about their achievements, their potential, you name it. People are in denial about so much in their lives, and I am grateful that sobriety taught me the value of being honest with myself.
The truth is like a splinter. It sits underneath the skin. If you deny it, that doesn’t mean it’s not there. The longer you ignore or deny the truth, the worse the pain gets. The truth nags at you and only gets worse and worse the longer you go without dealing with it.
Eventually, a tiny little splinter will become so painful that you are forced to deal with it. Same goes with the truth.
Most people in recovery can deal with the truth and be upfront about the discomfort of it. We have learned in the beginning stages of our recovery that dealing with the pain of the truth is easier to manage before it becomes a catastrophe.
The truth is like a splinter. It’s coming out one way or another. The only question is how bad do you want it to hurt?
3 – They Help Others
There is a reason for this.
I believe that service, although selfless, does have some selfish motives behind it. I also think this is perfectly okay.
Almost every drug addict will tell you about their busy minds. Speaking for myself, I can tell you that it’s exhausting. It never stops. I just can’t stop thinking.
Am I good enough? What does this person think of me? Am I working out enough? What is God all about? Am I living my life the right way? Should I travel more? Should I be saving more money?
*Insert hair pull and frustrated scream here*
I have a few coping mechanisms to deal with this. I run, I write, I play with my dog… but the hampster wheel is always spinning.
The single best way to calm the voices in my head is to help someone else. The reason is because when you are helping someone else, you are thinking about them and not yourself.
My sponsor always told me that there is a difference between being selfish and being self-centered. Being self-centered means that everything is about you, which is why all my dizzying thoughts have to do with me. But when I am helping someone, I am quite literally thinking about them and not me.
It is very therapeutic to help someone. As I said before, it can be a selfish act. When you help someone and watch them grow, it is an amazing feeling.
4 – They Have Faith
I don’t really understand faith. I can conceptualize it, but how it works I don’t know. I don’t think I am supposed to.
The strange paradox that somehow, when you believe something will happen, and you work towards it, that belief turns into a reality. I really think this guy says it best…
I find that people in recovery have faith simply because it works for them. They have to believe in something larger than them because that was what it took for them to get sober in the first place.
I grew up hating religion and anything related to religion. I grew up hating the fact that so many seemingly blind people put their energy into a lie. I’ll admit parts of me still feels uneasy about it, but I see now what the foundation behind a belief system is.
It is about belonging. It is about participating in something bigger than you. I find that to be very beautiful.
I find that people in recovery have faith because they have experienced first hand what faith can do for them and their well-being.
In Closing…
As I said before, I have no intention of claiming that every recovered addict displays all of these character traits perfectly. Not even close. Some days I do well, some days I don’t.
The point I am trying to make is that I always try my best, and if you are reading this, you probably try your best too.
The goal isn’t to be perfect, the goal is to always be growing. Grow a little bit every day, and you will be just fine!
Any other traits to add? Please leave them in the comments section below. 🙂
Heather
9 years ago
We love more!! Because we are ok with having feelings xx
joe
9 years ago
alcohol and drugs do kill you love and the rest of your feelings too! Mine are reawakening now that I’m sober.
Jane Doe
8 years ago
You think you love more because you are an addict and I am not? That really bothers me. I am a very loving, faithful, giving person. Just because I am not an addict does not mean I cannot care. My life was full of abuse, molestation and rape. But I am still a loving person. Being an addict does not give you the right to be the only loving people!
Mary
8 years ago
I read the article and I don’t think there was anything that applied they love more than we do but that they learned to love, which they were unable to do before. I have a niece who has been sober for 1 year, and I must tell you, I am so very, very proud of her. I know she went through living hell to accomplish this. During her withdrawal she lost a n X who she still really cared for and her mother. You may be all that you said but how about a little understanding!!!! My heart goes out to you, for all the horrible things you had to go through but I’ll bet you had the same type of people you said you are, to help you, which surprises me you wrote this reply. Please, you sound like a wonderful, caring person, maybe if you try to be a little bit more understanding.
sandy
8 years ago
OMG !!! Get over ur self, that’s not at all what the Artucke was about. It’s people like u that take everything as if it was towards them. Take the bad out of everything. Life is to short to think that way. I have been Molested, watched my Brother get murdered, lost my only other 2 brothers die by drowning & kidney failure, my husband just died in Sept 2015 of Alcoholism, my mom just died in April on my Birthday & I’m still sober & very proud & strong. I don’t think that Article had ur name in it did it, I don’t no maybe I should read it again to find out.
Billy Kroening
8 years ago
I think you missed what the person is trying to say. It’s that we as addicts have become more aware of who we are and who we were to others, not that we are better. I did not have this deep realization when I was drinking. Some people have that spiritual foundation without being an addict. When you have been to the dark places and come to the light, yes it is a spiritual awakening. Some, have always been in the light, but have never seen the darkness, that is the difference of the two
gina
8 years ago
Duh you misunderstood. Totally not what that meant. It means that now the shield/numbness is gone. As an individual am able to love more for ones self and others. It’s not a comparison scale at all. It’s about growing as an individual. Are you kidding anybody who deals with whatever happens to them without abusing drugs or one another is very good. Like I said u Totally took that wrong way. Huh definitely don’t have to be a recovering addict to love more than anybody else. It about being a recovering addict finally being able to love ones self and others and show it. It’s not about being better than anybody. It’s about being a better self. I hope you understand what I’m saying.
Cathy
9 years ago
Thank you for this article. I have been clean for 11 months . I believe a lot of this traits are true . I am learning not to be embrassed about my addiction and that sharing my story with other people have helped me more than them .. Thank you
Angie Korkowski
9 years ago
we are survivors and fighters!!!
CaP Addisom
8 years ago
Survivors – yes by the grace of a God I do not understand!
Fighters – no – another gift from the God I do not understand!
Donna S Joseph
8 years ago
11 months is a long, long time for someone in withdrawel; good for you, Cathy, you have nothing to be ashamed of and a lot to be proud of. God bless
leeann
9 years ago
absolutely!!
pepper
9 years ago
really needed to read that, it answered my thoughts .
Cherie
9 years ago
Great article! One more thing to ad is that sometimes when we’re/I’m drinking something, I miss my mouth and spill it on the front of my shirt LOL and then I laugh. 19yrs sober and I still do this! I’ve heard that the reason why is because when we drank there was always a straw in our glass so when we got drunk we always put the straw to our lips. But now there’s no straw so whoops there it goes all over the front of our shirts!
Cherie
Susan strait
9 years ago
I have been in recovery for almost 2 yrs and i fight everyday for my life!! I love this article!! Thank you for sharing!!
Stanley
9 years ago
starting a detox of oxy that I started using after a bad car accident 2 yrs ago
I have always abused drugs on and off all my life
and now at middle age I have this addiction that is really awful
my dr prescribes them and I have been taking them not for pain anymore
but for the high
I hate this life with oxy and want to change and I started the process to come off….depression now has taken control
I am starting therapy tomorrow, but I need to talk and get support when I am so down with despair and physical withdrawal
thanks for letting me share
Tito
9 years ago
Go to a meeting, a lot of meetings, find people that have the kind of happiness you want, and make friends. It’ll save your life.
Stephen Lucas
9 years ago
We pray…
— Steve L., 26 (plus) years, one day at a time.
Loretta
9 years ago
The racing mind that is worried about future/past actions and how they will be seen by others is created by the brain so that we can survive trauma and live. In order to be alcoholic/addicted, some of our thinking patterns had to become distorted, or we could not continue to justify our behaviors. Cognitive behavioral therapy can help you address these shifted thinking patterns and help get them back in shape. Quickly and easily. I know this because I suffered for years after getting clean and sober, from the racing mind and midnight thrashings over my past. Any trained therapist (LCSW, MFCC) can help you on your way to feeling better, or refer you to someone who can. I started at my local County Mental Health center, and went from there. Please know that you do not have to suffer in sobriety. Help is there if you reach out for it.
Alice Phillips
9 years ago
LOVED this. Tell it like it is! God bless.
Iain
9 years ago
Very accurate description–gave myself to this simple programme 42years ago,and i suppose God has not chosen to remove ALL of my character defects——YET!!
Mia
9 years ago
Looking for to your help. Appreciate all the healing help I can get, gezzz wezz
I thank you now for all the kind words an love you’ll be sharing. From Nashville
May all our dreams come TRUE!!!
James
9 years ago
I think the motivation factor is huge. I feel as though your story and the 4 ‘things’ that most sober people do is much deeper than just drug addiction. It shows people there is so more to life than drugs and alcohol.
Keep up the positive spirit!
Meredith
9 years ago
Fantastic article!!
Brenda
9 years ago
We feel more, something I masked with alcohol
Bridget
9 years ago
“you’ll feel better in program. You’ll feel anger better, you’ll fee pain better, you’ll feel sadness better….”
Mariana
9 years ago
Thanks Gangster. 2 weeks recoverying from wine coholic problem. Your blogs are amazing. You are amazing. Would love ymto connect!
M
Henrik
9 years ago
Fits in on a born again Christian to. But maybe it’s because the idea of the program comes from the Bible.
Larry
9 years ago
Don’t lie to yourself , accept the fact you have a problem. Tell all your friend you are in recovery and you will be surprised how good people react and treat you. You might loose some too, so they weren’t true friends anyway. My two cents
Rodney Matilainen
9 years ago
This is so awesome
Anne
9 years ago
I’m glad I got directed to this site after having a short relapse (alcohol). I know it will get better as I have had long term sobriety before.
Bridget
9 years ago
Humility. I would add that one.
Jenifer
9 years ago
I was taught to believe in the power of “WE” not “ME”. Doing things with the help and guidance of those I trust I have done incredible things with my life! Sure I don’t have the physical trappings of success that fade and fall apart, but I am successful because one day at a time, sometimes one second at a time, I haven’t found it necessary to take a drink for over 21 years. In that time I have lost jobs, loved ones, relationships, homes, and yes, even my mind, but that driving obsession that told me there was only one way out has left me and now I have so many options that sometimes I can get overwhelmed! When that happens I’ve also learned that when I don’t know what to do, it’s okay to do nothing for a while until the fog clears and I can see my way through. Recovery is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself! I don’t have to do it alone, but I do have to do the work myself!
Jessica
9 years ago
Very true for many. Me as well and even when we hang on to parts of ourselves that carry on defects.We manage them better and learn the powerful tools to encompass our faults and carry on without haste. Learning to heal and prevent the problem before it happens becomes the most powerful weapon we have.
Sandra
9 years ago
Wonderful article! Great job!! ❤️
Cath
9 years ago
True for me – sober ten years through gods grace and AA
Patrick Deason
9 years ago
Gratitude. It’s the characteristic that keeps is soft and open to the challenges of living in the moment.
Janet K.
9 years ago
Encourage and welcome humility . Not many people are willing to frequently feel humbled. But to stay sober it is crucial.
Thanks for the article.
David Smith
8 years ago
20 yrs clean and sober from heroin,Coke,speed,alcohol…you name it was my DOC, trashcan junky….4 state prison terms for drug related crimes.
I believe another trate I have along with the ones you mention is. Staying away from BS, fake people…no time,no patience for it.
Kate
8 years ago
Good on you, David! I reckon you have the right attitude. Wishing you all the best.
seth
8 years ago
Personally, as someone who as sufferred from addiction in the past, and who is pretty in the clear now, I don’t really agree with this. Any of those things could potentially be helpful to a person who is sober, but it doesn’t mean addicts dont do those things already. I guess addicts have to do something, and go somewhere. And I suppose that whole “spirituality is the cure for addiction” that 12 steps offer might work for some, but bottom line is there is only one thing that works for all. There is only one thing that “all sober people do.” They don’t drink/use. Not using is the one and only cure for addiction. All your faith, honesty, generousity and self reflection isn’t going to to keep you clean if you use. All the wisdom in the world is useless to recovery if you use. You could do those things or not do them. Doesn’t matter. In the end, not drinking is the one and only thing that will keep you sober. What you decide to do with your life after that is going to be up to you. I abandoned the 12 steps, because becoming a siritual guru isnt really a lufe goal of mine. I go byvthree steps now. 1) Get off booze/drugs 2) fill the void 3) Stay off booze/drugs How you decide to do that step 2 to fill the void will depend on what fulfills you, and that will not be “having a conscious contact with god and spreading the message to others” for everyone. For some, maybe it will. But maybe others have diffetent dreams. But However you decide to fill the void, it is not possible without step one, and will all fall apart without step 3. Thats really all there is to it. 🙂
Kate
8 years ago
Well said, Seth! And all the best for the future.
Jeremy
8 years ago
very cool..thanks
chris
8 years ago
this really makes sense to me tomorrow is my 30 day mark 100% sober and has it been easy……. hell no but one day at a time is the way to look at it and I very much agree that being sober makes you think more…. mostly when I lay down and try to sleep my brain kicks into overdrive and is almost impossible to slow it down that’s when I do push ups or some form of work out physical or meantal
Ken Cubiotti
8 years ago
Sober since 8-1-1988 and I have lied to myself and been truthful. The truth is much easier to deal with. It’s a slow process in recovery in the beginning. I went to meetings three times a day the first few years of my recovery.
I had to if I wanted to stay sober because outside of the rooms I was scared I might believe my own lies!
I used drugs and alcohol on a daily basis and around the clock. When I immersed myself into an attitude of truthfulness and gratitude life became easier because I didn’t have to question what to say to people or even myself. I made it my business to surround myself with people who had what I wanted. Honesty, open mindedness, and a willingness to stay sober a day at a time.
I worked for millions before me and to this day it works. I don’t question why. I hope I never will!
Kate
8 years ago
Good on you, Ken!
Rachel
8 years ago
Absolutely, 21 years sober and very active in the community. Important to stay away from triggers and be ok to let caustic family members go. I have a love for God where I once had fear and hate. Check my motives and be honest…freedom from fear on this path. And how strange I read this now as that sneaky thought was creeping back in tonight…that is how it works. Oh and wonderful people in cycling community to hinder those hamster wheels. BAM…beyond all measure..
Kate
8 years ago
Good on you, Rachel! Inspirational!
Gail
8 years ago
Love something.
Marg
8 years ago
Accountability! As addicts, we learn to accept responsibility for our actions, our choices, our lives. We become accountable, we no longer point the finger outwards without acknowledging that three are pointing back at us. We understand that everyone is fallible, and so accept our failures along with our successes with equal surety that failing is just part of being human.
Kate
8 years ago
Yes, Marg. You have much wisdom.
colin
8 years ago
Despite the monumentally important plus points listed.we still face stigmas,in employment for one.let’s try to break them down
Kate
8 years ago
Hear, hear! Good for you, Colin!
Bad Intention
8 years ago
All junkies Whether it be Dope or Jack Daniels, better prepare for the day you when the people that love you the ones you stole from lied to cheated tore their lives to pieces,get amnesia and decide it’s too much trouble to accompany to the hospital after an animal bite left me near death infection forced to drive myself to hospital where I floated in and out of consciousness for so long people on my behalf flipped out and finally seen barely conscious and in pain I heard the Dr order me a shot of morphine 11 years of sobriety at stake and not one of them could be there for me I knew that shot meant big change and I was lucky to survive the 3 year run I went on and again became the family bad guy the anger and resentment build bigger each day I am a motherfucking time bomb all because,they wouldn’t help you can’t count on anybody!!! 11 years of peace harmony happiness gone,in the time it took to push the morphine in I j know I can’t continue to hate at the rate I m hating and it not get fucking ugly this is America the land,of narcicist fucking bitter fucked over by the one she that should of protected me
Kate
8 years ago
You’ve beaten it once. You can do it again. No one else in this world is better than you. And you’re no better than anyone else. Have faith in yourself and God, not in other people. We’re only human and are all fallible. Wishing you all the best in your future.
Cheryl Lucio
8 years ago
Sober 7-11-2005..One day at a time…I thank God for Recovery…the 12 Steps introduced me to the most amazing Higher Power whom I choose to call God..I have been yanked from Hell and Insanity into a new Found Freedom..I know longer want to kill myself..or hate myself…I am reborn and Life is wonderful..sure there are bad days,,but I keep surrendering…and my Faith…is my most important,,,and I love helping people and letting them know…you never have to feel this low again…
Kate
8 years ago
Good on you, Cheryl! So pleased you’re being blessed with that solid, gentle, unconditional guidance!