What is Xanax? - How Does It Effect The Body and Brain?

what is xanax?

Xanax Street Names

Bars, Z-bars, Blue Footballs, Benzos, Upjohn, School Bus, Planks, White Boys/Girls,

Synopsis of Xanax

Xanax—also known as alprazolam—is an anti-anxiety medication that belongs to a family of drugs called benzodiazepines. These drugs effect the central nervous system and acts on a group of group of brain receptors called gamma-aminobutyric acid-A receptors. Xanax, as with other drugs in the benzodiazepine family, enhances the response and production of the neurotransmitter GABA, which is the brain’s own natural relaxant. With the influx of GABA in the brain, the feelings of nervous tension as the result of anxiety and panic are greatly reduced and users regain mental balance.

Xanax is quickly metabolized by the body and its’ powerful calming effects can be felt by users within 15 to 20 minutes. Initially, Xanax will supplement the amounts of GABA that the brain naturally produces, but within a few days to a few weeks the drug leads to a gradual decrease in the amount of GABA secreted in the brain. Once this effects occurs, users will start taking more Xanax in order to compensate for the lack of the GABA neurotransmitter and users will quickly develop a tolerance to the drug.

The History of Xanax

The history of Xanax has its origins in the late 1960’s. Originally created as a sleep aid, Xanax was first developed by Upjohn Laboratories in Kalamazoo, Michigan and was seen as an alternative to the harsher and more toxic antidepressants that were on the market during that time period. Xanax was introduced in the United States in 1981 and by the early 1990’s the drug became one of the most prescribed drugs in the country.

Xanax is the most prescribed psychiatric drug in the United States with over 47 million prescriptions written in 2012. According to data compiled in that same year from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), an estimated 14.7 percent of Americans ages 21 to 34 have taken tranquilizers like Xanax without a prescription or on a recreational basis. Additionally, the number of emergency room visits due to the misuse and abuse of Xanax jumped 172 percent from 2004-2011. Of all the prescriptions for Xanax that were written in 2012, approximately two-thirds of those prescriptions were written for women.

How Xanax is Administered

Xanax is most often prescribed in pill form for oral use and it comes in a variety of dosages. For those who use the drug recreationally, they may crush the tablets and snort the drug. By snorting the drug, users can experience a quicker rush of calm, but the effects wear off quicker in comparison to taking the drug in tablet form. Those who abuse Xanax have also been known to smoke the drug, and this route of administration also allows the effects of the drug to be quickly felt. However, if users smoke the drug they will be breathing in the fillers and binders which can irritate the lungs, throat and nasal cavity.

NO MATTER THE WAY THE DRUG IS ADMINISTERED, IT IS HIGHLY ADDICTIVE AND DANGEROUS IF MISUSED OR ABUSED.

The Short-Term Effects of Xanax

For those who take Xanax, the negative short-term effects of using the drug can be felt within a short time period. A common short-term effect is cognitive impairment and the difficulty to speak and form thought. With increased doses, speech becomes more slurred and people under the influence of Xanax sound like they are drunk. Other short-term effects can include dry mouth, headaches, fatigue, difficulty urinating and constipation, and sexual dysfunction. Additionally, users can experience more serious short-term effects such as skin rashes, seizures, depression and unusual mood swings.

The Long-Term Effects of Xanax

Among the most common long-term effects of Xanax misuse is extended periods of sedation and lethargy which can last for 3 to 4 days. Another common long-term effect associated with chronic Xanax use is the impairment of memory, and especially the short-term memory. Long-term users of the drug can also experience bouts of depression and anxiety along with hyperactivity, agitation and periods of rage.

Long-term misuse of Xanax can lead to a host of physical complications such as blurred or double vision, seizures, tremors, jaundice, heart palpitations and tachycardia (or a faster than normal resting heart rate). Using Xanax chronically and over a long period of time has been linking to a greater risk in developing dementia. Additionally, users can experience suicidal thoughts, chest pains, experience flashbacks and uncontrollable muscle twitching and spasms.

The Importance of Drug Treatment for Xanax Addiction

If you or a loved one is in the grips of Xanax addiction, you must seek intensive drug treatment and receive the care and support from experience and professional medical personnel. Trying to quit Xanax on your own is extremely dangerous and the symptoms of Xanax withdrawal can potentially be life-threatening depending on the presence of other drugs in the body, their concentrations and past medical history. Because Xanax causes normal function in your brain to slow down, your body can try to overcompensate if you come off of the drug too quickly. This can result in your brain racing out of control. Seizures are common among Xanax addicts who quit using the drug abruptly, and rage, hyper alertness and more can also occur with withdrawal.

Undergoing medical detoxification is a crucial step in achieving an effective, long-term recovery. While the process may be difficult, detox is done to minimize the physical and psychological effects experienced in withdrawal. During this process, detox staff will use a variety of methods (including IV therapy) to safely reduce the amount of Xanax that is in your system and will evaluate you for any co-occurring medical or mental issues that lie at the root of your Xanax addiction. In general, the detox process lasts about a week but can last longer depending on the severity of one’s addiction.

Once the detox process in completed, formal drug treatment begins and treatment staff will employ a variety of therapeutic methods and programming in order to uncover the underlying social, behavioral and environmental factors that led to your addiction. Additionally, you will be given the life skills, tools and support needed to continue working your plan of recovery once you complete treatment and resume your day-to-day life.

If you have questions regarding the dangers of Xanax addiction and the treatment options that are available, Sober Nation provides a comprehensive resource base and treatment directory to help you become more informed and aware. Our experienced staff is available around the clock and can ask any and all questions you may have while treating you with compassion and respect. Give yourself or a loved one the gift of sobriety…call Sober Nation today.

Comments

  1. missmorticiamayhem says

    I'm a current user I only smoke I would have had 2 years clean April 20th this year about 4 months ago I relapsed today was not able to get well I'm sitting up at almost 3 am with shakes and chills in tears this is not my first battle I was an iv user by 18 and it almost killed me AMD now its killing me every day I don't believe in a fuctioning addict cause I don't function without my junk I just wanna give up I shroud my addiction in secrecy and privacy for fear of judgment from my family which leaves me again with more guilt for the lies I create to keep it hidden I have.a son a baby and it would rip my world apart to lose him I'm alone I have atough love family they would take my son throw me out and say figure it out on your own your unfit yet none of them know I do it the lies and guilt and shame the webs you have to weave the sickness I feel my skin crawls my bones ache I can't Shit or without it can't stop shitting and I'm scared shitless of another detoxmy last one I felt effects for 90 days I rode it out at home and then found out I was pregnant but then after my year long relationship fell apart I was left a single mom I had problems mentally to begin with I have depression bi polar all sorts of things so its a day to day struggle and heroin numbs the stress till I can't get any and I'm laying in bed sicker than shit shivering sweating aching all over thinking of my next excuse to go get more when I can idk exactly why I'm posting here what I do know is I'm miserable I feel like a piece of Shit on a daily basis and I'm angry.and sick when I don't have.an excuse or my guy runs out the life of an addict so wonderful right I tried being honest with my mom in telling her I need a break from my son and some people may think I'm garbage for this but I do a break from the constant trying to hustle and care for him and making sure there's enough money we haven't had space of our own in a year we have moved 3 times in 2 months cause I make friends with the wrong people and feel I'm unstable and dragging my son into my mom won't tale him even when I called her to come get my son and told her I was on meth she said go to sleep don't do it again its not I don't love my baby its the stress and heroin is the only thing that takes it away on top of stressing about my drugs I have normal life stress like bills and my sons dad has been non existant since June of last year he's of no help he's a control freak who uses himself and drinks himself retardedso its a no win situation I lack support I need so badly my whole family is trying to make it I have a little brother and step dad as well with stressesof their own and after almost 6 years of having to save me tome and time again (started using when I was 15)they are tired of it and rightfully so I agree but they won't even watch him so I can go to an na meeting I have asked I'm a 20 yr old heroin addicted single mom struggling to survive living by the end of thread I'm miserable this is my first hand account of heroin addiction its awful save everyoneyou can from it I wish I could save myself but my stress my guilt my fear and lack of strengthand support seem to be putting a cramp in the saving part I was addicted to meth from the time I was 15-18 then found heroin at 18 I now hate meth I crave heroin like fat kids crave pop and sweets I have no friends other than my dealer who big suprise isn't my friend I see him once a day for about 3-5 min cute right no I do this on purpose I don't want my dirty secret out I told my one good girl friend she kicked me and my baby out we r now back at my moms for a 4th time granted she was doing it with me she threw me under the bus to save herself from the backlash of her husband finding out I'm not one to out someone dirty laundry I never would have said a word to him she did so concludes heroin eats your soul its a craving AMD itch that never leaves a feeling of misery that's so haunting I'm sure there are demons who wouldntmeas with it sadly it is my demon a monkey on my back I can't seem to shake yet I know what its doing to me I scream for help while people are watching me drown they don't know cause they are subtle silent screams cause I can't come out to my family again and say I'm back on drugs I don't wanna see the disappointmentfrom them again I've seen it too many times heroin haunts me from the time I lay down till I can fix again and from the moment I open my eyes its there reminding me I need to get high I get angry without it I get into fights I scream at people its a vicious cycle have understanding if you are dealing with a heroin addict we are a diffrent breed in my opinionyou can sleep off meth you can't just simply sleep off heroin its like it combines with your DNAi would sell my soul for this Shit as sad as it is its true your body gets addicted to it and the depression it leaves behind is unimaginable I have spent hours praying to the porcelain god of my bathroom in tears sweating throwing up shaking trying not to Shit myself wanting to kill myself and all I think about is getting high why do I do it if it makes me so sad cause the feeling the numbness it brings is so.comforting no psych drug which I've been on many can touch it heroins mental and physical hold are horrible its an itch as I said before that never leaves I felt that itch for almost 2 years till I caved and look at me now my itch is a full blown addiction swallowing me whole heroin is a diffrent kind of drug to me I have compassionfor other junkies the ones in the allys and the ones with nice house full time jobs and 401ks and college$ for their kids we r all suffering from a drug that takes away your soul my family does not understandthis part of why I don't tell them my mom is the cold mean cut throat sort you say you wanna die she hands you a rope just how she is I'm miserable everyday day in and day out I strggle to hold it together I sit on the bathroom floor with my foils and lighters crying until I get my hit then suddenly its not that bad its a super constant roller coaster that never leaves I can't rember things I run into stuff I get stuckiin the bathroom getting high for and nodding out for 2 hours heroin made me do things I would never like disrespect my moms rules and her and her homesell thibgs she bought me really nice things I could never afford to bring heroin to her house getting high in my little brothers room leaving my son with friends so I can go on "walks" you get the drift why I'm putting my story here so that others who find this who maybe wanna try it I'm hoping this story detours them from the curiosityor so maybe someone dealing with a junkie can understand what its like I'm shaking shivering sweating and vomiting in between writinhis wonderful right I'm a girl its not cute or glamourous I can't be in a relationshipunless its another addict so I've been alone cause a non addict wouldn't understand but funny story I don't trust many addicts so that goes out the window my son and getting high are my priorities everyday I watched heroin take the light from my eyes you can see it in my face like a map of the roads I've been on my eyes r dark my hair is brittle and dry my nails don't grow because its sucking the life and light out of me but the sicknesswhich is what I call it rhe abyss and being sick scares me so bad heroin numbs me and makes me happy all at once but guilty too I feel every emotion when on AMD off it but 10 fold off it I'm in tears on it I'm all bubbly and happy till I nodd the fuck out and hit my head on the bathroom counter or nods off and my friend is changing my baby's diaper cause its been so long the insides are coming out its only been that bad once and that's what scares me most is I let it get that bad even just that one time my son is my rock hes why I'm not broke homeless strung out in an alley somewhere breaking into cars for whatever I can to get high I'm miserable heroin is miserable I wouldn't give it to my worst enemyits a day to day struggle all day I let one friend try it once.3 hours later she wanted more I live with that guilt almost everyday it destroyed my friendship and I I de
    stroyed her I live with that everyday I destroy myself I go to bed with these thoughts all day long I have them unless I'm high heroin is horrible never try it be.compassionateand understanding to the active addict that it becomes a part of your body and detox is terrifying along with the sickness alll I really can go on is my personal struggle with it and I can tell you first hand support understanding and care oh an orange juice and sweets keeps the blood sugar up and warm blankets sometimes are the best you can do I'm not saying enable but comfort the sick choosing to go through heroin detox is a big step I think people should get a fucking award for it it takes a strong person we all have demons we've all made bad choices tried things fucked up fell down but everyone needs at leas one person with understanding tin their life to help them stay clean that one person can change the world to someone like me an addict of any kind really but especiallya junkie I crave that person almost as much as I crave smack who knows I'd probably be clean right now if I had the person but I don't and again no support so in conclusion don't enable but be understang be the shoulder to cry on the verbal back board to scream at sometimes heroin has lots of emotionand all trapped inside one person can be a lot sometimes its all just gotta come out that's why I'm writing this I want it out but I can't my dirty secret lives on the tin foil inside my purse and the black residue on my pants and fingers just be there that's thebesb t thing I can say really fucking be there for a junkie we feel alone we have an empty spot or a guilt its why we use I have stress and a dark abyss inside me and I put all sorta of things into to close that gap because drugs clothes money food all that aside I just want someone to be there for me but heroin temporarilyfills that gap for me I've never been one to admit being weak or needing help but I do and I can't get it I'm an addict who suffers partly by choice partly by circumstance sorry some of this is messed up between shaking and my phone being stupid since its touch screen can't really help it this is my story of addiction to heroin AMD its awful I no longer have a soul or friend or happiness really unless I'm high its killed my pleasure points sex doesn't excite me nothing but getting my fix does I fake a smile everyday pretend I'm ok so again just fucking be there if someone decides to quit be solid understanding with someone like me all it would take is a hug and for someone tosay its ok do that for someone like me ya know a junkie or addict of anykind and tember heroin is harder to kick than a lot of things its scary and sickening haha c what I did there jk not a time for jokes I know but seriously we are still people and sometimes all we need is a hug and someone solid there for us and that can make the diffrence in how they handle things be postive don't make them relive their shifty decisions let go of your resentments with them and allow them the same courtesy lord know as addicts we have lots and people have lots of them with us again my story could be worse I guess but its not ancontest but a true statement to the everyday life of a 20 yr old heroin addict its not fun live in shame fear sickness filth and guilt hating yourself

    • Tonie says

      You may want to go on Facebook and join heroin support group. It's a great group. Also helps you to find clinics in your area so you can get back into recovery. You need to be 100 percent healthy for your son. You will get lots of support from people that are and have walked in your shoes. Wish you the best.

  2. missmorticiamayhem says

    I'm a current user I only smoke I would have had 2 years clean April 20th this year about 4 months ago I relapsed today was not able to get well I'm sitting up at almost 3 am with shakes and chills in tears this is not my first battle I was an iv user by 18 and it almost killed me AMD now its killing me every day I don't believe in a fuctioning addict cause I don't function without my junk I just wanna give up I shroud my addiction in secrecy and privacy for fear of judgment from my family which leaves me again with more guilt for the lies I create to keep it hidden I have.a son a baby and it would rip my world apart to lose him I'm alone I have atough love family they would take my son throw me out and say figure it out on your own your unfit yet none of them know I do it the lies and guilt and shame the webs you have to weave the sickness I feel my skin crawls my bones ache I can't Shit or without it can't stop shitting and I'm scared shitless of another detoxmy last one I felt effects for 90 days I rode it out at home and then found out I was pregnant but then after my year long relationship fell apart I was left a single mom I had problems mentally to begin with I have depression bi polar all sorts of things so its a day to day struggle and heroin numbs the stress till I can't get any and I'm laying in bed sicker than shit shivering sweating aching all over thinking of my next excuse to go get more when I can idk exactly why I'm posting here what I do know is I'm miserable I feel like a piece of Shit on a daily basis and I'm angry.and sick when I don't have.an excuse or my guy runs out the life of an addict so wonderful right I tried being honest with my mom in telling her I need a break from my son and some people may think I'm garbage for this but I do a break from the constant trying to hustle and care for him and making sure there's enough money we haven't had space of our own in a year we have moved 3 times in 2 months cause I make friends with the wrong people and feel I'm unstable and dragging my son into my mom won't tale him even when I called her to come get my son and told her I was on meth she said go to sleep don't do it again its not I don't love my baby its the stress and heroin is the only thing that takes it away on top of stressing about my drugs I have normal life stress like bills and my sons dad has been non existant since June of last year he's of no help he's a control freak who uses himself and drinks himself retardedso its a no win situation I lack support I need so badly my whole family is trying to make it I have a little brother and step dad as well with stressesof their own and after almost 6 years of having to save me tome and time again (started using when I was 15)they are tired of it and rightfully so I agree but they won't even watch him so I can go to an na meeting I have asked I'm a 20 yr old heroin addicted single mom struggling to survive living by the end of thread I'm miserable this is my first hand account of heroin addiction its awful save everyoneyou can from it I wish I could save myself but my stress my guilt my fear and lack of strengthand support seem to be putting a cramp in the saving part I was addicted to meth from the time I was 15-18 then found heroin at 18 I now hate meth I crave heroin like fat kids crave pop and sweets I have no friends other than my dealer who big suprise isn't my friend I see him once a day for about 3-5 min cute right no I do this on purpose I don't want my dirty secret out I told my one good girl friend she kicked me and my baby out we r now back at my moms for a 4th time granted she was doing it with me she threw me under the bus to save herself from the backlash of her husband finding out I'm not one to out someone dirty laundry I never would have said a word to him she did so concludes heroin eats your soul its a craving AMD itch that never leaves a feeling of misery that's so haunting I'm sure there are demons who wouldntmeas with it sadly it is my demon a monkey on my back I can't seem to shake yet I know what its doing to me I scream for help while people are watching me drown they don't know cause they are subtle silent screams cause I can't come out to my family again and say I'm back on drugs I don't wanna see the disappointmentfrom them again I've seen it too many times heroin haunts me from the time I lay down till I can fix again and from the moment I open my eyes its there reminding me I need to get high I get angry without it I get into fights I scream at people its a vicious cycle have understanding if you are dealing with a heroin addict we are a diffrent breed in my opinionyou can sleep off meth you can't just simply sleep off heroin its like it combines with your DNAi would sell my soul for this Shit as sad as it is its true your body gets addicted to it and the depression it leaves behind is unimaginable I have spent hours praying to the porcelain god of my bathroom in tears sweating throwing up shaking trying not to Shit myself wanting to kill myself and all I think about is getting high why do I do it if it makes me so sad cause the feeling the numbness it brings is so.comforting no psych drug which I've been on many can touch it heroins mental and physical hold are horrible its an itch as I said before that never leaves I felt that itch for almost 2 years till I caved and look at me now my itch is a full blown addiction swallowing me whole heroin is a diffrent kind of drug to me I have compassionfor other junkies the ones in the allys and the ones with nice house full time jobs and 401ks and college$ for their kids we r all suffering from a drug that takes away your soul my family does not understandthis part of why I don't tell them my mom is the cold mean cut throat sort you say you wanna die she hands you a rope just how she is I'm miserable everyday day in and day out I strggle to hold it together I sit on the bathroom floor with my foils and lighters crying until I get my hit then suddenly its not that bad its a super constant roller coaster that never leaves I can't rember things I run into stuff I get stuckiin the bathroom getting high for and nodding out for 2 hours heroin made me do things I would never like disrespect my moms rules and her and her homesell thibgs she bought me really nice things I could never afford to bring heroin to her house getting high in my little brothers room leaving my son with friends so I can go on "walks" you get the drift why I'm putting my story here so that others who find this who maybe wanna try it I'm hoping this story detours them from the curiosityor so maybe someone dealing with a junkie can understand what its like I'm shaking shivering sweating and vomiting in between writinhis wonderful right I'm a girl its not cute or glamourous I can't be in a relationshipunless its another addict so I've been alone cause a non addict wouldn't understand but funny story I don't trust many addicts so that goes out the window my son and getting high are my priorities everyday I watched heroin take the light from my eyes you can see it in my face like a map of the roads I've been on my eyes r dark my hair is brittle and dry my nails don't grow because its sucking the life and light out of me but the sicknesswhich is what I call it rhe abyss and being sick scares me so bad heroin numbs me and makes me happy all at once but guilty too I feel every emotion when on AMD off it but 10 fold off it I'm in tears on it I'm all bubbly and happy till I nodd the fuck out and hit my head on the bathroom counter or nods off and my friend is changing my baby's diaper cause its been so long the insides are coming out its only been that bad once and that's what scares me most is I let it get that bad even just that one time my son is my rock hes why I'm not broke homeless strung out in an alley somewhere breaking into cars for whatever I can to get high I'm miserable heroin is miserable I wouldn't give it to my worst enemyits a day to day struggle all day I let one friend try it once.3 hours later she wanted more I live with that guilt almost everyday it destroyed my friendship and I I de
    stroyed her I live with that everyday I destroy myself I go to bed with these thoughts all day long I have them unless I'm high heroin is horrible never try it be.compassionateand understanding to the active addict that it becomes a part of your body and detox is terrifying along with the sickness alll I really can go on is my personal struggle with it and I can tell you first hand support understanding and care oh an orange juice and sweets keeps the blood sugar up and warm blankets sometimes are the best you can do I'm not saying enable but comfort the sick choosing to go through heroin detox is a big step I think people should get a fucking award for it it takes a strong person we all have demons we've all made bad choices tried things fucked up fell down but everyone needs at leas one person with understanding tin their life to help them stay clean that one person can change the world to someone like me an addict of any kind really but especiallya junkie I crave that person almost as much as I crave smack who knows I'd probably be clean right now if I had the person but I don't and again no support so in conclusion don't enable but be understang be the shoulder to cry on the verbal back board to scream at sometimes heroin has lots of emotionand all trapped inside one person can be a lot sometimes its all just gotta come out that's why I'm writing this I want it out but I can't my dirty secret lives on the tin foil inside my purse and the black residue on my pants and fingers just be there that's thebesb t thing I can say really fucking be there for a junkie we feel alone we have an empty spot or a guilt its why we use I have stress and a dark abyss inside me and I put all sorta of things into to close that gap because drugs clothes money food all that aside I just want someone to be there for me but heroin temporarilyfills that gap for me I've never been one to admit being weak or needing help but I do and I can't get it I'm an addict who suffers partly by choice partly by circumstance sorry some of this is messed up between shaking and my phone being stupid since its touch screen can't really help it this is my story of addiction to heroin AMD its awful I no longer have a soul or friend or happiness really unless I'm high its killed my pleasure points sex doesn't excite me nothing but getting my fix does I fake a smile everyday pretend I'm ok so again just fucking be there if someone decides to quit be solid understanding with someone like me all it would take is a hug and for someone tosay its ok do that for someone like me ya know a junkie or addict of anykind and tember heroin is harder to kick than a lot of things its scary and sickening haha c what I did there jk not a time for jokes I know but seriously we are still people and sometimes all we need is a hug and someone solid there for us and that can make the diffrence in how they handle things be postive don't make them relive their shifty decisions let go of your resentments with them and allow them the same courtesy lord know as addicts we have lots and people have lots of them with us again my story could be worse I guess but its not ancontest but a true statement to the everyday life of a 20 yr old heroin addict its not fun live in shame fear sickness filth and guilt hating yourself

    • Carmen says

      It can get worse, try kicking in jail, wrapped around the bottom of a toilet that 80 girls are using, try having your son taken in a task force raid, try not having any rights to your children, try waking up next to your boyfriend of six years and he's cold and dead, try selling yourself for a 20 sack. I just got sober six months ago in prison, I'm 36 and I used heroin for 15 years.

  3. missmorticiamayhem says

    I'm a current user I only smoke I would have had 2 years clean April 20th this year about 4 months ago I relapsed today was not able to get well I'm sitting up at almost 3 am with shakes and chills in tears this is not my first battle I was an iv user by 18 and it almost killed me AMD now its killing me every day I don't believe in a fuctioning addict cause I don't function without my junk I just wanna give up I shroud my addiction in secrecy and privacy for fear of judgment from my family which leaves me again with more guilt for the lies I create to keep it hidden I have.a son a baby and it would rip my world apart to lose him I'm alone I have atough love family they would take my son throw me out and say figure it out on your own your unfit yet none of them know I do it the lies and guilt and shame the webs you have to weave the sickness I feel my skin crawls my bones ache I can't Shit or without it can't stop shitting and I'm scared shitless of another detoxmy last one I felt effects for 90 days I rode it out at home and then found out I was pregnant but then after my year long relationship fell apart I was left a single mom I had problems mentally to begin with I have depression bi polar all sorts of things so its a day to day struggle and heroin numbs the stress till I can't get any and I'm laying in bed sicker than shit shivering sweating aching all over thinking of my next excuse to go get more when I can idk exactly why I'm posting here what I do know is I'm miserable I feel like a piece of Shit on a daily basis and I'm angry.and sick when I don't have.an excuse or my guy runs out the life of an addict so wonderful right I tried being honest with my mom in telling her I need a break from my son and some people may think I'm garbage for this but I do a break from the constant trying to hustle and care for him and making sure there's enough money we haven't had space of our own in a year we have moved 3 times in 2 months cause I make friends with the wrong people and feel I'm unstable and dragging my son into my mom won't tale him even when I called her to come get my son and told her I was on meth she said go to sleep don't do it again its not I don't love my baby its the stress and heroin is the only thing that takes it away on top of stressing about my drugs I have normal life stress like bills and my sons dad has been non existant since June of last year he's of no help he's a control freak who uses himself and drinks himself retardedso its a no win situation I lack support I need so badly my whole family is trying to make it I have a little brother and step dad as well with stressesof their own and after almost 6 years of having to save me tome and time again (started using when I was 15)they are tired of it and rightfully so I agree but they won't even watch him so I can go to an na meeting I have asked I'm a 20 yr old heroin addicted single mom struggling to survive living by the end of thread I'm miserable this is my first hand account of heroin addiction its awful save everyoneyou can from it I wish I could save myself but my stress my guilt my fear and lack of strengthand support seem to be putting a cramp in the saving part I was addicted to meth from the time I was 15-18 then found heroin at 18 I now hate meth I crave heroin like fat kids crave pop and sweets I have no friends other than my dealer who big suprise isn't my friend I see him once a day for about 3-5 min cute right no I do this on purpose I don't want my dirty secret out I told my one good girl friend she kicked me and my baby out we r now back at my moms for a 4th time granted she was doing it with me she threw me under the bus to save herself from the backlash of her husband finding out I'm not one to out someone dirty laundry I never would have said a word to him she did so concludes heroin eats your soul its a craving AMD itch that never leaves a feeling of misery that's so haunting I'm sure there are demons who wouldntmeas with it sadly it is my demon a monkey on my back I can't seem to shake yet I know what its doing to me I scream for help while people are watching me drown they don't know cause they are subtle silent screams cause I can't come out to my family again and say I'm back on drugs I don't wanna see the disappointmentfrom them again I've seen it too many times heroin haunts me from the time I lay down till I can fix again and from the moment I open my eyes its there reminding me I need to get high I get angry without it I get into fights I scream at people its a vicious cycle have understanding if you are dealing with a heroin addict we are a diffrent breed in my opinionyou can sleep off meth you can't just simply sleep off heroin its like it combines with your DNAi would sell my soul for this Shit as sad as it is its true your body gets addicted to it and the depression it leaves behind is unimaginable I have spent hours praying to the porcelain god of my bathroom in tears sweating throwing up shaking trying not to Shit myself wanting to kill myself and all I think about is getting high why do I do it if it makes me so sad cause the feeling the numbness it brings is so.comforting no psych drug which I've been on many can touch it heroins mental and physical hold are horrible its an itch as I said before that never leaves I felt that itch for almost 2 years till I caved and look at me now my itch is a full blown addiction swallowing me whole heroin is a diffrent kind of drug to me I have compassionfor other junkies the ones in the allys and the ones with nice house full time jobs and 401ks and college$ for their kids we r all suffering from a drug that takes away your soul my family does not understandthis part of why I don't tell them my mom is the cold mean cut throat sort you say you wanna die she hands you a rope just how she is I'm miserable everyday day in and day out I strggle to hold it together I sit on the bathroom floor with my foils and lighters crying until I get my hit then suddenly its not that bad its a super constant roller coaster that never leaves I can't rember things I run into stuff I get stuckiin the bathroom getting high for and nodding out for 2 hours heroin made me do things I would never like disrespect my moms rules and her and her homesell thibgs she bought me really nice things I could never afford to bring heroin to her house getting high in my little brothers room leaving my son with friends so I can go on "walks" you get the drift why I'm putting my story here so that others who find this who maybe wanna try it I'm hoping this story detours them from the curiosityor so maybe someone dealing with a junkie can understand what its like I'm shaking shivering sweating and vomiting in between writinhis wonderful right I'm a girl its not cute or glamourous I can't be in a relationshipunless its another addict so I've been alone cause a non addict wouldn't understand but funny story I don't trust many addicts so that goes out the window my son and getting high are my priorities everyday I watched heroin take the light from my eyes you can see it in my face like a map of the roads I've been on my eyes r dark my hair is brittle and dry my nails don't grow because its sucking the life and light out of me but the sicknesswhich is what I call it rhe abyss and being sick scares me so bad heroin numbs me and makes me happy all at once but guilty too I feel every emotion when on AMD off it but 10 fold off it I'm in tears on it I'm all bubbly and happy till I nodd the fuck out and hit my head on the bathroom counter or nods off and my friend is changing my baby's diaper cause its been so long the insides are coming out its only been that bad once and that's what scares me most is I let it get that bad even just that one time my son is my rock hes why I'm not broke homeless strung out in an alley somewhere breaking into cars for whatever I can to get high I'm miserable heroin is miserable I wouldn't give it to my worst enemyits a day to day struggle all day I let one friend try it once.3 hours later she wanted more I live with that guilt almost everyday it destroyed my friendship and I I de
    stroyed her I live with that everyday I destroy myself I go to bed with these thoughts all day long I have them unless I'm high heroin is horrible never try it be.compassionateand understanding to the active addict that it becomes a part of your body and detox is terrifying along with the sickness alll I really can go on is my personal struggle with it and I can tell you first hand support understanding and care oh an orange juice and sweets keeps the blood sugar up and warm blankets sometimes are the best you can do I'm not saying enable but comfort the sick choosing to go through heroin detox is a big step I think people should get a fucking award for it it takes a strong person we all have demons we've all made bad choices tried things fucked up fell down but everyone needs at leas one person with understanding tin their life to help them stay clean that one person can change the world to someone like me an addict of any kind really but especiallya junkie I crave that person almost as much as I crave smack who knows I'd probably be clean right now if I had the person but I don't and again no support so in conclusion don't enable but be understang be the shoulder to cry on the verbal back board to scream at sometimes heroin has lots of emotionand all trapped inside one person can be a lot sometimes its all just gotta come out that's why I'm writing this I want it out but I can't my dirty secret lives on the tin foil inside my purse and the black residue on my pants and fingers just be there that's thebesb t thing I can say really fucking be there for a junkie we feel alone we have an empty spot or a guilt its why we use I have stress and a dark abyss inside me and I put all sorta of things into to close that gap because drugs clothes money food all that aside I just want someone to be there for me but heroin temporarilyfills that gap for me I've never been one to admit being weak or needing help but I do and I can't get it I'm an addict who suffers partly by choice partly by circumstance sorry some of this is messed up between shaking and my phone being stupid since its touch screen can't really help it this is my story of addiction to heroin AMD its awful I no longer have a soul or friend or happiness really unless I'm high its killed my pleasure points sex doesn't excite me nothing but getting my fix does I fake a smile everyday pretend I'm ok so again just fucking be there if someone decides to quit be solid understanding with someone like me all it would take is a hug and for someone tosay its ok do that for someone like me ya know a junkie or addict of anykind and tember heroin is harder to kick than a lot of things its scary and sickening haha c what I did there jk not a time for jokes I know but seriously we are still people and sometimes all we need is a hug and someone solid there for us and that can make the diffrence in how they handle things be postive don't make them relive their shifty decisions let go of your resentments with them and allow them the same courtesy lord know as addicts we have lots and people have lots of them with us again my story could be worse I guess but its not ancontest but a true statement to the everyday life of a 20 yr old heroin addict its not fun live in shame fear sickness filth and guilt hating yourself

  4. missmorticiamayhem says

    I'm a current user I only smoke I would have had 2 years clean April 20th this year about 4 months ago I relapsed today was not able to get well I'm sitting up at almost 3 am with shakes and chills in tears this is not my first battle I was an iv user by 18 and it almost killed me AMD now its killing me every day I don't believe in a fuctioning addict cause I don't function without my junk I just wanna give up I shroud my addiction in secrecy and privacy for fear of judgment from my family which leaves me again with more guilt for the lies I create to keep it hidden I have.a son a baby and it would rip my world apart to lose him I'm alone I have atough love family they would take my son throw me out and say figure it out on your own your unfit yet none of them know I do it the lies and guilt and shame the webs you have to weave the sickness I feel my skin crawls my bones ache I can't Shit or without it can't stop shitting and I'm scared shitless of another detoxmy last one I felt effects for 90 days I rode it out at home and then found out I was pregnant but then after my year long relationship fell apart I was left a single mom I had problems mentally to begin with I have depression bi polar all sorts of things so its a day to day struggle and heroin numbs the stress till I can't get any and I'm laying in bed sicker than shit shivering sweating aching all over thinking of my next excuse to go get more when I can idk exactly why I'm posting here what I do know is I'm miserable I feel like a piece of Shit on a daily basis and I'm angry.and sick when I don't have.an excuse or my guy runs out the life of an addict so wonderful right I tried being honest with my mom in telling her I need a break from my son and some people may think I'm garbage for this but I do a break from the constant trying to hustle and care for him and making sure there's enough money we haven't had space of our own in a year we have moved 3 times in 2 months cause I make friends with the wrong people and feel I'm unstable and dragging my son into my mom won't tale him even when I called her to come get my son and told her I was on meth she said go to sleep don't do it again its not I don't love my baby its the stress and heroin is the only thing that takes it away on top of stressing about my drugs I have normal life stress like bills and my sons dad has been non existant since June of last year he's of no help he's a control freak who uses himself and drinks himself retardedso its a no win situation I lack support I need so badly my whole family is trying to make it I have a little brother and step dad as well with stressesof their own and after almost 6 years of having to save me tome and time again (started using when I was 15)they are tired of it and rightfully so I agree but they won't even watch him so I can go to an na meeting I have asked I'm a 20 yr old heroin addicted single mom struggling to survive living by the end of thread I'm miserable this is my first hand account of heroin addiction its awful save everyoneyou can from it I wish I could save myself but my stress my guilt my fear and lack of strengthand support seem to be putting a cramp in the saving part I was addicted to meth from the time I was 15-18 then found heroin at 18 I now hate meth I crave heroin like fat kids crave pop and sweets I have no friends other than my dealer who big suprise isn't my friend I see him once a day for about 3-5 min cute right no I do this on purpose I don't want my dirty secret out I told my one good girl friend she kicked me and my baby out we r now back at my moms for a 4th time granted she was doing it with me she threw me under the bus to save herself from the backlash of her husband finding out I'm not one to out someone dirty laundry I never would have said a word to him she did so concludes heroin eats your soul its a craving AMD itch that never leaves a feeling of misery that's so haunting I'm sure there are demons who wouldntmeas with it sadly it is my demon a monkey on my back I can't seem to shake yet I know what its doing to me I scream for help while people are watching me drown they don't know cause they are subtle silent screams cause I can't come out to my family again and say I'm back on drugs I don't wanna see the disappointmentfrom them again I've seen it too many times heroin haunts me from the time I lay down till I can fix again and from the moment I open my eyes its there reminding me I need to get high I get angry without it I get into fights I scream at people its a vicious cycle have understanding if you are dealing with a heroin addict we are a diffrent breed in my opinionyou can sleep off meth you can't just simply sleep off heroin its like it combines with your DNAi would sell my soul for this Shit as sad as it is its true your body gets addicted to it and the depression it leaves behind is unimaginable I have spent hours praying to the porcelain god of my bathroom in tears sweating throwing up shaking trying not to Shit myself wanting to kill myself and all I think about is getting high why do I do it if it makes me so sad cause the feeling the numbness it brings is so.comforting no psych drug which I've been on many can touch it heroins mental and physical hold are horrible its an itch as I said before that never leaves I felt that itch for almost 2 years till I caved and look at me now my itch is a full blown addiction swallowing me whole heroin is a diffrent kind of drug to me I have compassionfor other junkies the ones in the allys and the ones with nice house full time jobs and 401ks and college$ for their kids we r all suffering from a drug that takes away your soul my family does not understandthis part of why I don't tell them my mom is the cold mean cut throat sort you say you wanna die she hands you a rope just how she is I'm miserable everyday day in and day out I strggle to hold it together I sit on the bathroom floor with my foils and lighters crying until I get my hit then suddenly its not that bad its a super constant roller coaster that never leaves I can't rember things I run into stuff I get stuckiin the bathroom getting high for and nodding out for 2 hours heroin made me do things I would never like disrespect my moms rules and her and her homesell thibgs she bought me really nice things I could never afford to bring heroin to her house getting high in my little brothers room leaving my son with friends so I can go on "walks" you get the drift why I'm putting my story here so that others who find this who maybe wanna try it I'm hoping this story detours them from the curiosityor so maybe someone dealing with a junkie can understand what its like I'm shaking shivering sweating and vomiting in between writinhis wonderful right I'm a girl its not cute or glamourous I can't be in a relationshipunless its another addict so I've been alone cause a non addict wouldn't understand but funny story I don't trust many addicts so that goes out the window my son and getting high are my priorities everyday I watched heroin take the light from my eyes you can see it in my face like a map of the roads I've been on my eyes r dark my hair is brittle and dry my nails don't grow because its sucking the life and light out of me but the sicknesswhich is what I call it rhe abyss and being sick scares me so bad heroin numbs me and makes me happy all at once but guilty too I feel every emotion when on AMD off it but 10 fold off it I'm in tears on it I'm all bubbly and happy till I nodd the fuck out and hit my head on the bathroom counter or nods off and my friend is changing my baby's diaper cause its been so long the insides are coming out its only been that bad once and that's what scares me most is I let it get that bad even just that one time my son is my rock hes why I'm not broke homeless strung out in an alley somewhere breaking into cars for whatever I can to get high I'm miserable heroin is miserable I wouldn't give it to my worst enemyits a day to day struggle all day I let one friend try it once.3 hours later she wanted more I live with that guilt almost everyday it destroyed my friendship and I I de
    stroyed her I live with that everyday I destroy myself I go to bed with these thoughts all day long I have them unless I'm high heroin is horrible never try it be.compassionateand understanding to the active addict that it becomes a part of your body and detox is terrifying along with the sickness alll I really can go on is my personal struggle with it and I can tell you first hand support understanding and care oh an orange juice and sweets keeps the blood sugar up and warm blankets sometimes are the best you can do I'm not saying enable but comfort the sick choosing to go through heroin detox is a big step I think people should get a fucking award for it it takes a strong person we all have demons we've all made bad choices tried things fucked up fell down but everyone needs at leas one person with understanding tin their life to help them stay clean that one person can change the world to someone like me an addict of any kind really but especiallya junkie I crave that person almost as much as I crave smack who knows I'd probably be clean right now if I had the person but I don't and again no support so in conclusion don't enable but be understang be the shoulder to cry on the verbal back board to scream at sometimes heroin has lots of emotionand all trapped inside one person can be a lot sometimes its all just gotta come out that's why I'm writing this I want it out but I can't my dirty secret lives on the tin foil inside my purse and the black residue on my pants and fingers just be there that's thebesb t thing I can say really fucking be there for a junkie we feel alone we have an empty spot or a guilt its why we use I have stress and a dark abyss inside me and I put all sorta of things into to close that gap because drugs clothes money food all that aside I just want someone to be there for me but heroin temporarilyfills that gap for me I've never been one to admit being weak or needing help but I do and I can't get it I'm an addict who suffers partly by choice partly by circumstance sorry some of this is messed up between shaking and my phone being stupid since its touch screen can't really help it this is my story of addiction to heroin AMD its awful I no longer have a soul or friend or happiness really unless I'm high its killed my pleasure points sex doesn't excite me nothing but getting my fix does I fake a smile everyday pretend I'm ok so again just fucking be there if someone decides to quit be solid understanding with someone like me all it would take is a hug and for someone tosay its ok do that for someone like me ya know a junkie or addict of anykind and tember heroin is harder to kick than a lot of things its scary and sickening haha c what I did there jk not a time for jokes I know but seriously we are still people and sometimes all we need is a hug and someone solid there for us and that can make the diffrence in how they handle things be postive don't make them relive their shifty decisions let go of your resentments with them and allow them the same courtesy lord know as addicts we have lots and people have lots of them with us again my story could be worse I guess but its not ancontest but a true statement to the everyday life of a 20 yr old heroin addict its not fun live in shame fear sickness filth and guilt hating yourself

  5. says

    I’m a current user I only smoke I would have had 2 years clean April 20th this year about 4 months ago I relapsed today was not able to get well I’m sitting up at almost 3 am with shakes and chills in tears this is not my first battle I was an iv user by 18 and it almost killed me AMD now its killing me every day I don’t believe in a fuctioning addict cause I don’t function without my junk I just wanna give up I shroud my addiction in secrecy and privacy for fear of judgment from my family which leaves me again with more guilt for the lies I create to keep it hidden I have.a son a baby and it would rip my world apart to lose him I’m alone I have atough love family they would take my son throw me out and say figure it out on your own your unfit yet none of them know I do it the lies and guilt and shame the webs you have to weave the sickness I feel my skin crawls my bones ache I can’t Shit or without it can’t stop shitting and I’m scared shitless of another detoxmy last one I felt effects for 90 days I rode it out at home and then found out I was pregnant but then after my year long relationship fell apart I was left a single mom I had problems mentally to begin with I have depression bi polar all sorts of things so its a day to day struggle and heroin numbs the stress till I can’t get any and I’m laying in bed sicker than shit shivering sweating aching all over thinking of my next excuse to go get more when I can idk exactly why I’m posting here what I do know is I’m miserable I feel like a piece of Shit on a daily basis and I’m angry.and sick when I don’t have.an excuse or my guy runs out the life of an addict so wonderful right I tried being honest with my mom in telling her I need a break from my son and some people may think I’m garbage for this but I do a break from the constant trying to hustle and care for him and making sure there’s enough money we haven’t had space of our own in a year we have moved 3 times in 2 months cause I make friends with the wrong people and feel I’m unstable and dragging my son into my mom won’t tale him even when I called her to come get my son and told her I was on meth she said go to sleep don’t do it again its not I don’t love my baby its the stress and heroin is the only thing that takes it away on top of stressing about my drugs I have normal life stress like bills and my sons dad has been non existant since June of last year he’s of no help he’s a control freak who uses himself and drinks himself retardedso its a no win situation I lack support I need so badly my whole family is trying to make it I have a little brother and step dad as well with stressesof their own and after almost 6 years of having to save me tome and time again (started using when I was 15)they are tired of it and rightfully so I agree but they won’t even watch him so I can go to an na meeting I have asked I’m a 20 yr old heroin addicted single mom struggling to survive living by the end of thread I’m miserable this is my first hand account of heroin addiction its awful save everyoneyou can from it I wish I could save myself but my stress my guilt my fear and lack of strengthand support seem to be putting a cramp in the saving part I was addicted to meth from the time I was 15-18 then found heroin at 18 I now hate meth I crave heroin like fat kids crave pop and sweets I have no friends other than my dealer who big suprise isn’t my friend I see him once a day for about 3-5 min cute right no I do this on purpose I don’t want my dirty secret out I told my one good girl friend she kicked me and my baby out we r now back at my moms for a 4th time granted she was doing it with me she threw me under the bus to save herself from the backlash of her husband finding out I’m not one to out someone dirty laundry I never would have said a word to him she did so concludes heroin eats your soul its a craving AMD itch that never leaves a feeling of misery that’s so haunting I’m sure there are demons who wouldntmeas with it sadly it is my demon a monkey on my back I can’t seem to shake yet I know what its doing to me I scream for help while people are watching me drown they don’t know cause they are subtle silent screams cause I can’t come out to my family again and say I’m back on drugs I don’t wanna see the disappointmentfrom them again I’ve seen it too many times heroin haunts me from the time I lay down till I can fix again and from the moment I open my eyes its there reminding me I need to get high I get angry without it I get into fights I scream at people its a vicious cycle have understanding if you are dealing with a heroin addict we are a diffrent breed in my opinionyou can sleep off meth you can’t just simply sleep off heroin its like it combines with your DNAi would sell my soul for this Shit as sad as it is its true your body gets addicted to it and the depression it leaves behind is unimaginable I have spent hours praying to the porcelain god of my bathroom in tears sweating throwing up shaking trying not to Shit myself wanting to kill myself and all I think about is getting high why do I do it if it makes me so sad cause the feeling the numbness it brings is so.comforting no psych drug which I’ve been on many can touch it heroins mental and physical hold are horrible its an itch as I said before that never leaves I felt that itch for almost 2 years till I caved and look at me now my itch is a full blown addiction swallowing me whole heroin is a diffrent kind of drug to me I have compassionfor other junkies the ones in the allys and the ones with nice house full time jobs and 401ks and college$ for their kids we r all suffering from a drug that takes away your soul my family does not understandthis part of why I don’t tell them my mom is the cold mean cut throat sort you say you wanna die she hands you a rope just how she is I’m miserable everyday day in and day out I strggle to hold it together I sit on the bathroom floor with my foils and lighters crying until I get my hit then suddenly its not that bad its a super constant roller coaster that never leaves I can’t rember things I run into stuff I get stuckiin the bathroom getting high for and nodding out for 2 hours heroin made me do things I would never like disrespect my moms rules and her and her homesell thibgs she bought me really nice things I could never afford to bring heroin to her house getting high in my little brothers room leaving my son with friends so I can go on “walks” you get the drift why I’m putting my story here so that others who find this who maybe wanna try it I’m hoping this story detours them from the curiosityor so maybe someone dealing with a junkie can understand what its like I’m shaking shivering sweating and vomiting in between writinhis wonderful right I’m a girl its not cute or glamourous I can’t be in a relationshipunless its another addict so I’ve been alone cause a non addict wouldn’t understand but funny story I don’t trust many addicts so that goes out the window my son and getting high are my priorities everyday I watched heroin take the light from my eyes you can see it in my face like a map of the roads I’ve been on my eyes r dark my hair is brittle and dry my nails don’t grow because its sucking the life and light out of me but the sicknesswhich is what I call it rhe abyss and being sick scares me so bad heroin numbs me and makes me happy all at once but guilty too I feel every emotion when on AMD off it but 10 fold off it I’m in tears on it I’m all bubbly and happy till I nodd the fuck out and hit my head on the bathroom counter or nods off and my friend is changing my baby’s diaper cause its been so long the insides are coming out its only been that bad once and that’s what scares me most is I let it get that bad even just that one time my son is my rock hes why I’m not broke homeless strung out in an alley somewhere breaking into cars for whatever I can to get high I’m miserable heroin is miserable I wouldn’t give it to my worst enemyits a day to day struggle all day I let one friend try it once.3 hours later she wanted more I live with that guilt almost everyday it destroyed my friendship and I I de
    stroyed her I live with that everyday I destroy myself I go to bed with these thoughts all day long I have them unless I’m high heroin is horrible never try it be.compassionateand understanding to the active addict that it becomes a part of your body and detox is terrifying along with the sickness alll I really can go on is my personal struggle with it and I can tell you first hand support understanding and care oh an orange juice and sweets keeps the blood sugar up and warm blankets sometimes are the best you can do I’m not saying enable but comfort the sick choosing to go through heroin detox is a big step I think people should get a fucking award for it it takes a strong person we all have demons we’ve all made bad choices tried things fucked up fell down but everyone needs at leas one person with understanding tin their life to help them stay clean that one person can change the world to someone like me an addict of any kind really but especiallya junkie I crave that person almost as much as I crave smack who knows I’d probably be clean right now if I had the person but I don’t and again no support so in conclusion don’t enable but be understang be the shoulder to cry on the verbal back board to scream at sometimes heroin has lots of emotionand all trapped inside one person can be a lot sometimes its all just gotta come out that’s why I’m writing this I want it out but I can’t my dirty secret lives on the tin foil inside my purse and the black residue on my pants and fingers just be there that’s thebesb t thing I can say really fucking be there for a junkie we feel alone we have an empty spot or a guilt its why we use I have stress and a dark abyss inside me and I put all sorta of things into to close that gap because drugs clothes money food all that aside I just want someone to be there for me but heroin temporarilyfills that gap for me I’ve never been one to admit being weak or needing help but I do and I can’t get it I’m an addict who suffers partly by choice partly by circumstance sorry some of this is messed up between shaking and my phone being stupid since its touch screen can’t really help it this is my story of addiction to heroin AMD its awful I no longer have a soul or friend or happiness really unless I’m high its killed my pleasure points sex doesn’t excite me nothing but getting my fix does I fake a smile everyday pretend I’m ok so again just fucking be there if someone decides to quit be solid understanding with someone like me all it would take is a hug and for someone tosay its ok do that for someone like me ya know a junkie or addict of anykind and tember heroin is harder to kick than a lot of things its scary and sickening haha c what I did there jk not a time for jokes I know but seriously we are still people and sometimes all we need is a hug and someone solid there for us and that can make the diffrence in how they handle things be postive don’t make them relive their shifty decisions let go of your resentments with them and allow them the same courtesy lord know as addicts we have lots and people have lots of them with us again my story could be worse I guess but its not ancontest but a true statement to the everyday life of a 20 yr old heroin addict its not fun live in shame fear sickness filth and guilt hating yourself.

    I’m a current user I only smoke I would have had 2 years clean April 20th this year about 4 months ago I relapsed today was not able to get well I’m sitting up at almost 3 am with shakes and chills in tears this is not my first battle I was an iv user by 18 and it almost killed me AMD now its killing me every day I don’t believe in a fuctioning addict cause I don’t function without my junk I just wanna give up I shroud my addiction in secrecy and privacy for fear of judgment from my family which leaves me again with more guilt for the lies I create to keep it hidden I have.a son a baby and it would rip my world apart to lose him I’m alone I have atough love family they would take my son throw me out and say figure it out on your own your unfit yet none of them know I do it the lies and guilt and shame the webs you have to weave the sickness I feel my skin crawls my bones ache I can’t Shit or without it can’t stop shitting and I’m scared shitless of another detoxmy last one I felt effects for 90 days I rode it out at home and then found out I was pregnant but then after my year long relationship fell apart I was left a single mom I had problems mentally to begin with I have depression bi polar all sorts of things so its a day to day struggle and heroin numbs the stress till I can’t get any and I’m laying in bed sicker than shit shivering sweating aching all over thinking of my next excuse to go get more when I can idk exactly why I’m posting here what I do know is I’m miserable I feel like a piece of Shit on a daily basis and I’m angry.and sick when I don’t have.an excuse or my guy runs out the life of an addict so wonderful right I tried being honest with my mom in telling her I need a break from my son and some people may think I’m garbage for this but I do a break from the constant trying to hustle and care for him and making sure there’s enough money we haven’t had space of our own in a year we have moved 3 times in 2 months cause I make friends with the wrong people and feel I’m unstable and dragging my son into my mom won’t tale him even when I called her to come get my son and told her I was on meth she said go to sleep don’t do it again its not I don’t love my baby its the stress and heroin is the only thing that takes it away on top of stressing about my drugs I have normal life stress like bills and my sons dad has been non existant since June of last year he’s of no help he’s a control freak who uses himself and drinks himself retardedso its a no win situation I lack support I need so badly my whole family is trying to make it I have a little brother and step dad as well with stressesof their own and after almost 6 years of having to save me tome and time again (started using when I was 15)they are tired of it and rightfully so I agree but they won’t even watch him so I can go to an na meeting I have asked I’m a 20 yr old heroin addicted single mom struggling to survive living by the end of thread I’m miserable this is my first hand account of heroin addiction its awful save everyoneyou can from it I wish I could save myself but my stress my guilt my fear and lack of strengthand support seem to be putting a cramp in the saving part I was addicted to meth from the time I was 15-18 then found heroin at 18 I now hate meth I crave heroin like fat kids crave pop and sweets I have no friends other than my dealer who big suprise isn’t my friend I see him once a day for about 3-5 min cute right no I do this on purpose I don’t want my dirty secret out I told my one good girl friend she kicked me and my baby out we r now back at my moms for a 4th time granted she was doing it with me she threw me under the bus to save herself from the backlash of her husband finding out I’m not one to out someone dirty laundry I never would have said a word to him she did so concludes heroin eats your soul its a craving AMD itch that never leaves a feeling of misery that’s so haunting I’m sure there are demons who wouldntmeas with it sadly it is my demon a monkey on my back I can’t seem to shake yet I know what its doing to me I scream for help while people are watching me drown they don’t know cause they are subtle silent screams cause I can’t come out to my family again and say I’m back on drugs I don’t wanna see the disappointmentfrom them again I’ve seen it too many times heroin haunts me from the time I lay down till I can fix again and from the moment I open my eyes its there reminding me I need to get high I get angry without it I get into fights I scream at people its a vicious cycle have understanding if you are dealing with a heroin addict we are a diffrent breed in my opinionyou can sleep off meth you can’t just simply sleep off heroin its like it combines with your DNAi would sell my soul for this Shit as sad as it is its true your body gets addicted to it and the depression it leaves behind is unimaginable I have spent hours praying to the porcelain god of my bathroom in tears sweating throwing up shaking trying not to Shit myself wanting to kill myself and all I think about is getting high why do I do it if it makes me so sad cause the feeling the numbness it brings is so.comforting no psych drug which I’ve been on many can touch it heroins mental and physical hold are horrible its an itch as I said before that never leaves I felt that itch for almost 2 years till I caved and look at me now my itch is a full blown addiction swallowing me whole heroin is a diffrent kind of drug to me I have compassionfor other junkies the ones in the allys and the ones with nice house full time jobs and 401ks and college$ for their kids we r all suffering from a drug that takes away your soul my family does not understandthis part of why I don’t tell them my mom is the cold mean cut throat sort you say you wanna die she hands you a rope just how she is I’m miserable everyday day in and day out I strggle to hold it together I sit on the bathroom floor with my foils and lighters crying until I get my hit then suddenly its not that bad its a super constant roller coaster that never leaves I can’t rember things I run into stuff I get stuckiin the bathroom getting high for and nodding out for 2 hours heroin made me do things I would never like disrespect my moms rules and her and her homesell thibgs she bought me really nice things I could never afford to bring heroin to her house getting high in my little brothers room leaving my son with friends so I can go on “walks” you get the drift why I’m putting my story here so that others who find this who maybe wanna try it I’m hoping this story detours them from the curiosityor so maybe someone dealing with a junkie can understand what its like I’m shaking shivering sweating and vomiting in between writinhis wonderful right I’m a girl its not cute or glamourous I can’t be in a relationshipunless its another addict so I’ve been alone cause a non addict wouldn’t understand but funny story I don’t trust many addicts so that goes out the window my son and getting high are my priorities everyday I watched heroin take the light from my eyes you can see it in my face like a map of the roads I’ve been on my eyes r dark my hair is brittle and dry my nails don’t grow because its sucking the life and light out of me but the sicknesswhich is what I call it rhe abyss and being sick scares me so bad heroin numbs me and makes me happy all at once but guilty too I feel every emotion when on AMD off it but 10 fold off it I’m in tears on it I’m all bubbly and happy till I nodd the fuck out and hit my head on the bathroom counter or nods off and my friend is changing my baby’s diaper cause its been so long the insides are coming out its only been that bad once and that’s what scares me most is I let it get that bad even just that one time my son is my rock hes why I’m not broke homeless strung out in an alley somewhere breaking into cars for whatever I can to get high I’m miserable heroin is miserable I wouldn’t give it to my worst enemyits a day to day struggle all day I let one friend try it once.3 hours later she wanted more I live with that guilt almost everyday it destroyed my friendship and I I de
    stroyed her I live with that everyday I destroy myself I go to bed with these thoughts all day long I have them unless I’m high heroin is horrible never try it be.compassionateand understanding to the active addict that it becomes a part of your body and detox is terrifying along with the sickness alll I really can go on is my personal struggle with it and I can tell you first hand support understanding and care oh an orange juice and sweets keeps the blood sugar up and warm blankets sometimes are the best you can do I’m not saying enable but comfort the sick choosing to go through heroin detox is a big step I think people should get a fucking award for it it takes a strong person we all have demons we’ve all made bad choices tried things fucked up fell down but everyone needs at leas one person with understanding tin their life to help them stay clean that one person can change the world to someone like me an addict of any kind really but especiallya junkie I crave that person almost as much as I crave smack who knows I’d probably be clean right now if I had the person but I don’t and again no support so in conclusion don’t enable but be understang be the shoulder to cry on the verbal back board to scream at sometimes heroin has lots of emotionand all trapped inside one person can be a lot sometimes its all just gotta come out that’s why I’m writing this I want it out but I can’t my dirty secret lives on the tin foil inside my purse and the black residue on my pants and fingers just be there that’s thebesb t thing I can say really fucking be there for a junkie we feel alone we have an empty spot or a guilt its why we use I have stress and a dark abyss inside me and I put all sorta of things into to close that gap because drugs clothes money food all that aside I just want someone to be there for me but heroin temporarilyfills that gap for me I’ve never been one to admit being weak or needing help but I do and I can’t get it I’m an addict who suffers partly by choice partly by circumstance sorry some of this is messed up between shaking and my phone being stupid since its touch screen can’t really help it this is my story of addiction to heroin AMD its awful I no longer have a soul or friend or happiness really unless I’m high its killed my pleasure points sex doesn’t excite me nothing but getting my fix does I fake a smile everyday pretend I’m ok so again just fucking be there if someone decides to quit be solid understanding with someone like me all it would take is a hug and for someone tosay its ok do that for someone like me ya know a junkie or addict of anykind and tember heroin is harder to kick than a lot of things its scary and sickening haha c what I did there jk not a time for jokes I know but seriously we are still people and sometimes all we need is a hug and someone solid there for us and that can make the diffrence in how they handle things be postive don’t make them relive their shifty decisions let go of your resentments with them and allow them the same courtesy lord know as addicts we have lots and people have lots of them with us again my story could be worse I guess but its not ancontest but a true statement to the everyday life of a 20 yr old heroin addict its not fun live in shame fear sickness filth and guilt hating yourself

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