We all want to feel good. Everyone want's to feel better than they did yesterday. This is especially true with those first starting in their journey of recovery. The whole reason we got high in the first place was to escape reality. So that we could instantly fill that emptiness inside of us. The reason why the first year of recovery is so difficult, is because we are forced to feel.
I often see new comers comparing themselves. Jealousy and envy and doubt creep in. We torture ourselves with stupid questions and comparisons. The truth is, everyone has their own struggles. Ultimately, it is up to you to feel the way you want to feel. Things get better - not when you land the job or the boyfriend/girlfriend. Not when you can roll up with a new set of wheels on your car. Things get better when you start to feel better. To feel better, means to work on yourself. This is a very scary thing to do.
Regardless of what you may hear, recovery is not a miracle. Getting out of depression is an uphill battle. Recovery is a process. Change is a process, and it takes work.
The thing about change, is that it is usually slow. Eventually, you will find yourself laughing a little. Some time later you will be out with friends, telling stories and enjoying the conversation. One day the moment will come. BOOM! It will hit you, and it will hit you hard. You will come home from a great night out with your friends, you will sit down, maybe grab a bite to eat, and then you will realize...
"I didn't even think about getting high tonight."
When that moment comes, I hope it is one you will never forget.
Let's get one thing clear. You can't do all of this alone. Regardless of how you decide to get sober, having a sponsor or a mentor or a counselor is highly recommended. We need someone to arm us with the tools we will need to defend ourselves against our addiction.
There are many tools available to us all. We can learn perseverance, acceptance, hope, faith, trust and honesty. These are just a few of the tools, and there are many more available. The best thing is that they are free and they are yours if you want them.
Keep in mind that this takes time, just like all the other good things you want in life. As long as you stay on the right path, you will get there. I wish I had a definite answer to this. I wish I could tell you that on day 103 you will feel better. I wish I could.. but at the same time, I am grateful that I can't. Without doubt and fear, without the pain, the joy wouldn't be as sweet. The present wouldn't feel quite as good. It is through our pain, that we are cleansed, and that we find salvation. Never give up.
I don't make promises. In fact, I despise them. If someone promises me something, I usually automatically label that person as one who should not be trusted. There is however, one promise that I will make. I make it with every ounce of integrity in my being.
If you work hard, every day. If you continue to grow spiritually, and continue to help people. If you continue to be of service to your fellow man, you will feel good. I promise.