May 3, 2013 | By Tim Stoddart

Prostitution and Addiction – A Personal Story

Personal Addiction Recovery Stories

When I was seven years old my mother passed away from breast cancer.

My father, younger brother and I were forced to move in with my grandmother since my dad needed help raising us. I grew up in a nice suburban area with a loving family and many friends. I went to a private Catholic high school and later was accepted into a prestigious nursing program at a local college.

I worked part time for a fashion jewelry company in New York at their warehouse. Within a year I became their head buyer traveling to Guangzhou, China as well as doing some modeling for their print ads. On the outside everything was perfect, no one would have guessed that on the weekends I worked for an escort agency selling myself to pay for my intense Oxycodone addiction.

How It All Started

I started smoking weed and drinking at about 14 years old.

During my junior year of high school one of my good friends brought up the idea to try out these little blue pills that everyone was starting to take. I had tried some other prescription pills before and they had never appealed to me very much. I agreed since they visually seemed pretty harmless (very small, light blue in color and we were each only going to take half). I became sick to my stomach even with such a small dosage. Any normal person would say to themselves, “Ughh, I don’t want to do that ever again” but for me, I had found the love of my life.

It began with once every couple of weeks and rapidly progressed to a daily habit. I can vividly recall the same friend mentioned earlier telling me that they are extremely addicting and as I watched many others fall into full blown addiction around me, I simply distanced myself and said, “It would never, ever happen to me.”

Slowly, Things Started to Get Worse

As my daily dosage began to double, triple and quadruple, my income from the jewelry company merely wasn’t enough. This is when I started thinking of other ways to make money.

At first I was taking a few dollars here and there from family members or from work. That lasted about two months before I was in debt with multiple dealers and they cut off my credit lines. This was not okay. Threatening my life was fine but not my drug sources.

I thought about trying heroin, but I didn’t know where to find it and thought it would be too obvious to others that I was a junkie (which I hadn’t admitted to myself yet).

So my next great idea was prostitution. Never did I once think I might need help. Even looking back at it now I can’t believe how insane my actions and ideas were. To those of you who don’t understand the grip that drugs can have over a person, you will likely never comprehend it.

It was all too simple to jump into the sex trade. I went on the internet, searched on Google, called the first number I found and I was picked up at 8PM the next night. The next three months were the longest of my life.

As you would assume, my drug consumption increased ten-fold. I started using a lot of cocaine to stay up all night and every other waking moment I was on opiates. I had a driver every Friday night that told me I needed to lay off the drugs. As if this man could comprehend the piles of emotional pain that continued to drive my addiction.

It all seemed like an endless cycle. If I tried to cut down on using, all I could see was the ugliness I created in my life and the more drugs I used, the more I needed to sell my soul to the devil. Until one day I had a moment of clarity. Deep down I had known for a while that I needed help but I was finally ready to admit it to myself and others. I contacted an interventionist that I had previously heard about through a neighbor of mine. He sat down with me, my father and my brother to help explain to them what needed to happen. This came as a huge shock to them because I was very good at hiding my addiction and its symptoms.

The very next morning I was on a plane headed towards a drug and alcohol treatment center. I was 100% ready to change. I changed my phone number in the airport. I wrote down 5 family members’ phone numbers and erased all my other contacts. I took every remaining pill I had. I got on that flight and never looked back.

Some ideas to keep in mind for women who have been, or are currently in, similar situations.

• 12 Step programs and a sponsor made me a better person and are the main reason why I am sober today
• Be honest; not only with yourself but if you are lucky enough to go treatment and  see therapists, use your time with them wisely.
• Remember that what you went through won’t define you as long as you make a change.
• Don’t let others bring you down because they don’t understand. My prostitution was a symptom of my disease called addiction they went hand and hand, prostitution and addiction.
• You are not the only one going through this. If you reach out you can find many women who have been though similar experiences. *
• -Don’t let anything ruin the rest of your life. Although it is difficult, I try to spin everything in a positive way; Use your horrible experiences to help others. It’s very rewarding to know that you helped a young woman who was too afraid to talk to anyone else out of shame.

I went to treatment in December of 2010. My life is completely different today; I don’t wake up looking for my next high. My whole addiction and prostitution and everything involved feels like a distant dream. I’m finally awake.

800-676-4477 – HIPS Hotline

(Crisis counseling for sex workers and their families.)