Jun 19, 2014 | By Tim Stoddart

John Cyr’s Story – How a Friend Introduces him to Recovery

Personal Addiction Recovery Stories

john cyr

I come from a “normal” family. My Dad was a Cop, my Mom worked for the department of justice. My mom’s father was an alcoholic and drank to his grave. She always feared that I would become a drunk just like him. As far as I can remember, she would tell me that if I drank, I would turn up just like him. Dad was gone a lot in my teen years, he was always tired when he was home and I struggled to get attention from him.

As far back as I can remember, I felt different. I didn’t know my place, and had this urge to try and fit in. I had a few beers when I was 12 but the first time I really drank was when I was 14. My only goal then was to out drink the others, and prove to my parents I could drink like a normal person. Truth is, I never once managed to drink responsibly. That night, I felt like I was somebody. I wasn’t shy, I made people laugh, I was confident, I finally felt like I fit in. That night I had my first blackout. Dad picked me up from the skate park and brought me home for the interrogation. I finally managed to catch his attention. I ended up being grounded for 6 months and the first night I was able to go out, I got myself some beer and some weed and blacked out again. It was like nothing had changed. I managed to crawl home, confused and bleeding. That became the norm for me.

Getting drunk on weekends through high school, then weeknights, and smoked everyday at lunchtime. Everyone thought I was cool. I was even dating one of the hottest girls in school. What a mess that was. It was all a mix of ego, insecurities, jealousy, foolish pride….

College is where I took it to the next level experimenting with different drugs and hanging out with the wrong people. It wasn’t long till I dropped out and left home. My boss’ brother started working with us. He was just out of jail. He was very nice to me and gained my trust. He took me out to the strip clubs, restaurants, bars and paid for almost everything. I saw him like a big brother, or a father figure. He paid attention to me, he offered me my first line of cocaine. WOW! Now, I felt like somebody. I had found the answer to my problems. He paid for it for a little while but it didn’t last long. My life went downhill from there…

At 21 I tried moving to Montreal but it wasn’t long till my life fell apart there too. I moved back home to Ottawa. At the time, I blamed everyone for my problems. I stopped doing hard drugs and I tried to stop drinking on my own. I tried everything, from drinking lighter beers, only drinking on weekends, drinking non alcoholic beers. Nothing worked. I could never get control of my drinking.

I was in and out of jobs, apartments and unhealthy relationships. I hated life. I didn’t want to die, but I wanted to stop suffering. So I went back to harder drugs and anything I could get my hands on. This is really where everything started to crash.

At that time, I was on the verge of losing my job, my pension, my apartment, my family and friends and jail. I had finally figured out that perhaps, I was the problem, not them. One night I was browsing through social media. I noticed an old friend I used to party hard with stopped using. He was 90 days clean. I was surprised because he was always the guy at the parties that was more messed up then anyone else. I asked him what pill he took to stop using. I asked him what he did to get clean and he offered to take me out for coffee. I said I thought I had a substance abuse problem but wasn’t sure, and he told me that those who don’t have a drug problem don’t spend their days wondering if they do. Then it all started to make sense.

Later that night he dragged me to a meeting.I knew about AA and NA but was way too insecure to show up there on my own and I had all those misconceptions about meetings and God. I sat down, listened and stayed clean one day at a time. I didn’t really know how it worked, but it did. I could stay clean.

One thing is, I wasn’t recovering yet. I went through a mix of unhealthy relationships, trying to prove to everyone I was “normal” and had it all together. Truth is, I didn’t. That’s what I found out when I got a sponsor and started working the 12 steps. From there on, I learned a lot about myself. It has been a rough and long journey but the program worked its magic. For once in my life I can say that I am happy. I am far from perfect, and far from being the man that I wish to become but I am on my way there. I’ve always said that the day I look at myself in the mirror and say that I’ve got nothing left to work on, is the day that I should go shopping for a new mirror. I’ve been clean and sober for almost 27 months now thanks to the program and fellow members!

My name is John Cyr and I’ve been clean and sober since 2012/03/03.

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