I had the occasion to sit with a parent last night who made that above statement ~ “If only I’d known I’d be battling addiction with my child, I could have parented differently.” That statement has stuck with me and I have turned it over and over in my head trying to find some validity to it as it applies to being the parent of an addict.
I know this woman well and she is a biological parent as well as parenting children by adopting them, Young Children that are adopted can come with a difficult history, as did the youngsters she has, and this has caused her to intentionally parent them in such a way as to help guide them past the set of baggage these sweet ones came with. So on that level I can understand her statement of “If only I’d known”.
But that brings me to wrestling with it on another level. Can I apply that logic to being the parent of an addict? There are many out there that blame the parent for the child’s addictions and will offer such statements as
…if you had just had dinner with them every night
…if you had gotten them more involved in sports
…if you had just told them to SAY NO to drugs
And there are many more.
It’s my hope that all parents, parent intentionally. That we (all parents) do our best to raise up our children to be good adults, instilling values and morals along the way. I know I’d be foolish if I thought that was 100% truth all the time. There are parents who haven’t, and they are in the news time and time again.
It’s also my hope that out of all the insanity of this current addiction crisis that is sweeping our country, that parents will start to understand that we are NOT promised perfect kids. That even the best intentioned parents can end up with a son or daughter who becomes addicted to drugs. I think we as parents, should parent assuming the WORST can happen. Being conscience of the times and demons that long to devour our children and act like parents.
So the day doesn’t come when we say… If Only I’d known …
From my blog “A Mother’s Heart“