Sep 2, 2014 | By Tim Stoddart

I am Not Anonymous Interview – Meet Tom and Kate

Personal Recovery Stories

In our quest to break the stigma associated with addiction, we come across many amazing people and organizations. Among the list are Tom and Kate, the founder of I am Not Annonymous. I spoke to both Tom and Kate at length and we discussed some things I could do to help them on their mission. Many ideas were thrown around and we decided to start with an interview to help spread awareness on the project and let the people get to know Tom and Kate a little better. The entire interview comes directly from Tom and Kate themselves. Hope you like it!

SN – Where did the idea come from?

Kate –  For me, this idea was spawned from a sequence of events that occurred beginning from my visit to the rehab facility that Tom was at in Fla. As a photographer, I am drawn to people. I am fascinated by their stories and have a passion for capturing their essence through photographs. I felt an overwhelming desire to photograph the people who Tom was at the rehab facility with. I wanted to hear their stories. I wanted to listen free of judgment and preconceived notions. I wanted to give them support and tell them that I believed in them. I knew that it was impossible for me to photograph them but that feeling never left me. When Tom came home, we talked about how he wanted to share his story in order to help people who were still out there sick and suffering. I knew that I wanted to tell our story in order to empower others to do the same. We did not feel ashamed about our story and we knew that we could share it with purpose and give back. As we opened up to people, we saw that people started opening up as well. We saw the power in the personal stories. We came up with the idea for a portrait series featuring people in recovery and shared it with a few key people that would catapult this into reality. A friend of ours had mentioned the grassroots documentary called “The Anonymous People” directed by a young filmmaker named Greg Williams. It is a film about the 23 million Americans in long-term recovery who live a life free of alcohol and other drugs. This film has created a movement of moms, dads, sons and daughters – “all bringing the power and proof of recovery to our communities to change public perception and ultimately the public response to the addiction crisis.” As we watched the film, tears streamed down our faces. It lit a fire inside of us that I don’t think will ever burn out.

Tom –  I exited the rehab bubble and rejoined the world on January 26th, 2014 with 38 days clean. I had an overwhelming passion and drive to pass along the love and support so freely given to me early in my recovery, which helped save my life. I needed to pass this along to another addict or alcoholic suffering from the disease. On February 8th, 2014 I joined a community organization enacted as a result of multiple heroin overdose deaths. At this meeting I stood up for the first time publicly and said “My name is Tom Goris and I’m a heroin addict. I’m here to give insight into the reason why, and help in any way I can.” This was the first time I broke my personal anonymity publically, and I didn’t have any consequences. I had people coming up to confide in me. After sharing my ideas with the creator of the organization (Rip LB), it dawned on me that my ideas were on point. That being a person in recovery gives me an advantage over people who are not. This advantage is the direct result of me being who I am, a drug addict. In the coming weeks I took action to educate myself about what is happening around the Nation with this epidemic. I met Chris Herren and told him I saw his story in rehab and it gave me so much hope. I went online and watched videos from Many Faces One Voice. I watched the documentary film “The Anonymous People.” Every step of action I took ignited the passion and drive inside me to a level I never thought possible. I realized I wasn’t the only person who felt the passion and drive on this level because so much had already been done, but I knew I had found my calling. I had to do something. What can I do” I had the willingness to break my personal anonymity after thinking about the potential consequences. For me, I understood speaking out publically could result in saving someone’s life. I came to the conclusion I would be doing more damage than good if I remained silent. On April 2nd, 2014 I Am Not Anonymous was born. My girlfriend, Kate Meyer took a photograph of me and sent it to a trusted friend in the movement. He shared it on social media with my slogan “I Am Not Anonymous.” From there, it received overwhelming support and the project took off. My original slogan became the project name and “My past is my greatest asset” is now my slogan.

SN – Kate. You have been pretty open about not being in recovery. What are you trying to prove with this project?

Kate –  There are so many different layers to this answer. The transformation that I have gone through over the last year has been monumental. In many ways, I can’t even remember who I was before I met Tom. Since this process began, I have fundamentally changed the way that I live my life and the way that I view the world. I continue this project because of the person that I was before I met Tom. I was on the other side of the stigma. If you were to ask me back then how I would feel about dating a heroin addict, I would have told you it would NEVER happen. I would never involve myself with someone who would make those choices and have no value on their life. I would have told you that heroin addicts belong in jail. I would have told you that I would never even associate with someone like that. I would have walked passed a “junkie” on the street and felt pity and shame. I would have told you that those people were below me.

Although the journey was incredibly difficult to deal with in the beginning, I surrounded myself with people who were going through the same thing. I went to 12-Step meetings and met many people in recovery as well as their families. I gained an education about this disease through personal relationships and real life stories. Not from what the media and society tell me. I quickly gained a compassion for people that suffer from this disease and began to understand the magnitude of what it takes to get clean and enter into recovery. Most importantly, I began to believe that recovery DOES happen. I started to see how the public’s perception of people who suffer from substance use disorder is so convoluted and misconstrued. I saw the effect of the shame that society puts on people with this disease and how it bears such a huge responsibility for why addicts are afraid to ask for help. Instead of feeling devastated and worn down by the insanity that this disease has on families, I began to feel empowered by it and felt a call of duty and purpose to share my story. I opened my mind and my heart to see this disease for what it truly is and this project is a conduit for so many others to do the same.

This project provides a vessel for people in recovery to stand up and speak out against the shame and the public intolerance that society has towards people who suffer from this disease. We want to prove that recovery is possible…but also that with recovery ANYTHING is possible. We want to show the world that there is a light at the end of the tunnel filled with over 23 million people who live their lives in a productive and positive way. Throughout this journey, we have met countless people who feel the same way we do and this project provides them with a vessel to share their story with people throughout the world. There is hope in the message and it is time to get the message out there.

SN – Did you expect to get this kind of a response? What were you hoping to see when you started the project?

Kate –  We started this project with completely open minds. I knew how passionate we felt about it and was very curious to see the response that we would get. As we launched, the site and the Facebook page, we were blown away by the immediate traction that it was getting. Within 48 hours of launch, we had 29,000 unique visits from 29 different countries across the world. We were blown away by the numbers, but we still had no idea what kind of personal responses were about to come our way. Numbers and stats are one thing, but for us, the personal connections that we have made have been incredibly humbling. We started getting emails from people all over the world. I remember getting an email one day from someone with 32 days sober. They told us that they were having a very tough day and were on the verge of a relapse until they came across our page on Facebook. They read someone’s story and related to it and because of that, they had one more day sober. Now THAT is some powerful stuff. We have mothers of kids who died of overdoses tell us how much they wish we were around when their children were suffering. How it could have helped them feel less isolated in their struggles. How it could have empowered them to ask for help. We may not be able to turn back time, but if we can help ONE person who is still out there sick and suffering, than it is all worth it.

Tom –  I didn’t know what to expect I just wanted to help one person. I knew after the first 48 hours of the project being released it was viewed in 29 different countries by over 29,000 people. We had an open mind and no expectations other than if this project could help one person we would be happy. We were overwhelmed with positive responses once the website launched which continues to this day. The best ones are, “I was having a tough day, but now I have another day clean because of this project,” or “After reading the stories I’m going to seek treatment tomorrow.” This is of the many reasons why we did this project and having it come true is beautiful.

SN – What is the overall vision? It’s obvious people are taking note of the project, but is there a goal in mind? What does it mean to say “I am not anonymous.”

Kate –  Our primary purpose for the site is to aid in breaking the stigma that is associated with this disease. If we can empower people in recovery to share their stories and become visible, we can shift the focus to the solution. This not only helps the person who is out there still sick and suffering as well as the person who is in recovery, but it also helps the families and the countless people out there that are indirectly affected by this disease. After all, it is a family disease. We don’t feel that anyone should have to hide their recovery from anyone. For many, it is their greatest asset. If people can go public with their recovery, society will have a clearer picture that it. This gives people hope. This gives people courage to speak out. It is up to people in recovery to provide all of us who aren’t with an education about this disease, from someone who has lived it.

As a loved one of an addict, who attends 12-Step support groups, I am proud to say that I Am Not Anonymous. To me, it means that I don’t have to be shamed that I decided to stick it out with my heroin addicted boyfriend and show him the love and support that everyone in this world deserves. I gave him a chance. I gave us a chance and one day at a time, it is working out. I can honestly say that I am a better person because of it. I have learned more about myself in the last year than I have in all 34 other years of my life and I am so grateful for that. I have learned that there is such strength in vulnerability. I am open about my journey because I am absolutely certain that my transparency has the potential to save lives… and that, to me is what it is all about.

Tom –  The overall vision is to show that the people who suffer from the disease of addiction can and do recover. By having the people in recovery speak out it puts a positive real life accomplishment into the light, and crushes the negative stigma surrounding addiction that so many people in this country still carry.

For me, saying I am not anonymous means I’m willing to take on any and all consequences so my fellow brothers and sisters suffering from this disease don’t have to. So one day they will feel loved, safe, and supported by society. They are free to openly be the people in which they were born to be. Saying I am not anonymous is an act of humility. The beautiful thing about saying I am not anonymous is that it can mean something different to everybody.

SN – Are you worried about hard-core AA goers taking offence to what you are doing?

Tom –  No, but when offence is taken the line of communication is opened to have a very important conversation about the difference between personal anonymity and 12-step anonymity. I understand and respect their view being a member of a 12-step fellowship myself. I have been confronted on occasion and been called a tradition breaker. When having the conversation I make sure to point out our project is in no way affiliated with any fellowship, but if it was affiliated we still maintain compliance with the 11th tradition which states “Our public policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.” Before moving forward with the project, I did my research on the traditions like any good 12-step student would because I was concerned about possible tradition violations with the project. I went to the world fellowship webpage and downloaded all traditions, and spent a lot of time reading the tradition of anonymity. After educating myself I came to the conclusion that as long as the project participants who have recovered in a 12-step fellowship refrain from identifying themselves, or any other member of a specific fellowship as a member, then the tradition of Anonymity is not being broken. So I can say I’m a 12-step member, but I can’t specifically revel which 12-step fellowship I’ve achieved recovery in. Protecting the sanctuary of the rooms where millions of Americans have recovered, I feel is the main reason why people take offence.

The conclusion I drew is affirmed when looking back at the beginning of the recovery movement. Marty Mann (Bill Wilson’s sponsee) was the first woman to get sober in the fellowship and felt the need to speak out about the disease of alcoholism in 1945. Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob gave her the green light to speak out as an individual advocate not as a member of the specific fellowship. In 1969, Bill Wilson joined the recovery movement when he broke his personal anonymity in front of the U.S. Senate subcommittee hearing on alcoholism and narcotics. He gave personal testimony to the issue of alcoholism in this country. Bill W. realized by breaking his personal anonymity, his experience, strength, and hope with alcohol could reach another person, and not only the person inside the room who is sick and suffering, but the person outside the room who doesn’t know about the solution. Also, they realized the consequences of not speaking out would be detrimental to other addicts and alcoholics because the stigma surrounding this disease would be perpetuated.

We are not looking to reinvent the wheel. We are just following in the footsteps of Bill Wilson and Marty Mann by speaking out to help the people sick and suffering, and show the world with recovery anything is possible.

SN – What’s next?

Tom and Kate –  The statistics say there are 23.5 million people in recovery today. We’d like to continue on the path we are on by growing IANA with more willing participants throughout the world. We are also focused on expanding the projects reach out of the recovery world and into mainstream society. Also, we feel adding the family aspect of the disease of addiction would make our project all-encompassing. We all know the disease of addiction is a family disease. Adding the family aspect would take the project to another level. Besides that, we are approaching the future with an open mind and we are excited to see where this journey will take us. It’s all in the hands of the Universe.