How to Avoid Getting 13th Stepped

10 responses to “How to Avoid Getting 13th Stepped”

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  Nena

  10 years ago

  Reply

  I get FURIOUS when I am hit on at a meeting. It is a total lack of boundaries and completely disrespectful. It’s not a bloody singles club. It is therapy! It is a lifeline. I am very curt and cold to those who hit on me in meetings. It angers me to no end because if you actually cared about the person you wouldn’t do such a thing!

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  Nicola

  9 years ago

  Reply

  There are sexual predators in all areas of life both in and out the rooms, the ploblem lies when vunerable people whom all of which have been inebriated to sometimes the point of oblivia, seek help from people in recovery, they are often suckered into worshipping false Heros, these men and women are sick people trying to get well, although for the new comer they seem to have it cracked, and are lulled into a false sense of security. I myself have witnessed and been in the reciving end of such behaviours, I’m not so easily fooled having been around the rooms a couple of years and without wanting to catogorize or pigeon hole certain members have witnessed the worse behaviours out of years clean members, let me reiterate it is not the length of time in recovery nor the disease it is simply a lottery as in life in general, sexual predators walk amongst us, add a program and a few carefully chosen new found words, master manipulators are created, I have also at times see the poorest conduct from so called ‘ old timers’ who put down a substance and pick up deviant behaviour. Do not let this put you off recovery, it WILL save your life, just be vigilant and aware, and stick with the women, or indeed men according to your gender!

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  Rick J.

  9 years ago

  Reply

  Since when is someone who has a year considered an “Old-Timer”? To me an old-timer is 18 years or more. I really doubt someone with that much time would ever thirteen step anyone. One year is a long time, but for me it took a number of years before I was even remotely healthy (mentally). Don’t paint the old-timer as a perv or threat. I just don’t believe that to be the case.

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  James

  9 years ago

  Reply

  Please provide a reference to the definition of an old-timer as “someone who has been in the program for a year or more.” I have never seen this definition in any A.A. Conference-Approved literature.

  • 

    Paul

    9 years ago

    Reply

    Hi, I am an alcoholic, on this learning life program & gratefully sober since 1974,
    This helpful site is obviously “commercially” orientated & of course as we know AA is not allied with any (outside source) organization etc.
    The words written are some ones explanation of what he or she feels is their perception of what the 12 Steps are, thats pretty obvious.

    ie Step One – a God yes ….. you left out the most important piece “as we understood him” – be assured this spiritual concept has nothing to do with any pre conceived idea of something relevant to any religious source.

    Each Group has a Group Conscience, that Conscience handles the “13th Step” issue. An old Timer is defined with AA literature – “As Bill Sees It ” … explained clearly. Year 1 thru 3 are growth years, an old Timer is normally one of those envious dudes (or dudette ) that has some wise years racked up actively in this 12 Step program.
    ” …. anyone has the capacity to be honest / whom has throughly followed our path …” completed and is practicing Step 12 will understand how we do NOT endanger anothers sobriety, men with men, women with women – in this path of early sobriety. Stay safe.
    Keep it simple, its worked for us for the last 80 years (2015)

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  Christine

  9 years ago

  Reply

  Personally, I now have more ability to choose who I go with much more now than when I was drinking. If you are lucky enough to be desired you will be hit on at the grocery store…I find that sober men have way more manners than the ones out in the world. No one says you have to go anywhere with anyone you don’t want to. Trust your judgement. It’s ajudgement call, in AA & the rest of the world…Peace

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  mike

  9 years ago

  Reply

  Perhaps it’s time for AA as a whole to start the process of amends in this area. The first step in accomplishing this would be to quit signing treatment and court attendnce slips thus limiting the number of treatment and court ordered predators at AA meetings. When people attend meetings only to obtain sobriety the fellowship will change as well. For a long time now the courts and treatment industry has seen AA as the solution to societies problem with alcoholics and drug addicts criminal behavoir. By now it’s become clear that AA is not a solution for societies problems but instead is a solution for individuals that have reached a bottom. Doesn’t it make sense that society should provide the means to find a bottom not sentence criminals to AA as punishment. Perhaps a real inventory of current methods is in order by the treatment industry, courts and AA as what exists today is clearly not working.

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  Ted Barrett

  9 years ago

  Reply

  Well I disagree with that Mike, I was one of those people who the court sent to “get his slip signed” If It wasn’t for that that I would never have known what AA was all about.11yrs sober because the court made me do it. Unfortunately it sounds as though you still have some self centerness where the only way to go about getting sober is the way you hit your bottom.I’m lucky enough to know a few incredible people who were sent by the courts who have yrs on me that have shown me a way to live life.I thank the judge and the system for the direction they lead me to and for all the folks that were able to find AA because of the courts.

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  simon k

  9 years ago

  Reply

  I would like a concise and approved definition of an old-timer.