Jun 8, 2015 | By Tim Stoddart
Clay Shepard – Brutally Honest Obituary Of Son’s Death Goes Viral
Addiction & Recovery News
I have been to a good number of funerals due to overdose. My uncle died of an overdose. Two years ago my father (who is a paramedic) responded to an overdose in Lower Merion, which is a suburb of outside Philadelphia. He had no idea that he was calling the death of a friend who had gone home to Lower Merion to visit his family. All of the sudden, my friend was gone.
Writing obituaries to these deaths is hard. We want to remember the good times, and not let the pain and torment of an unnecessary death blind us from all the beauty these people once brought to the world.
I, as I am sure many of the people reading this, have been left angry at these funerals. “Why didn’t they just ask for help?” I try my best not to let the anger blind me of the truth. Drug addicts have no intention of putting their loved ones through pain. Most of the time, they just didn’t know another way.
That is what makes this obituary so heart-wrenching. The parents of this seemingly handsome and kind young man took the opportunity to use their son’s obituary as a means to reach out to other young people who may be struggling.
To all those who are struggling, you don’t need to die. Addiction kills people, lots of people, many of whom could have lived amazing lives if they were able to grasp recovery.
We are sad to see this young man go. Hopefully, the words of his obituary can touch at least one person and can convince them to reach out and get help.
Love and respect. – The Sober Nation Team
Our charismatic and beautiful son and brother died Sunday morning from a drug overdose. Clay was the youngest of four children, raised in a loving home in Apex with two brothers and one sister. Outwardly Clay looked like he had it all: Intelligence, confidence, athletic ability, height, beautiful blue eyes, broad smile, fantastic wit, and the ability to engage and forge a relationship with anyone. Inwardly Clay was sensitive and had struggles that he hid well from his close and clannish family.
We loved Clay with all of our hearts, but we now know that was not enough to shield him from the world. This note isn’t an attempt to assign blame for Clay’s death. It’s not to vent our anger and frustration at a world where drugs can be ordered and delivered through the internet. We write this obituary in hope that it may provide an insight to those that need to change their behavior one night at a time.
Clay was a solid student, decent athlete, and a very likeable kid. With his seemingly endless positive traits, he had the potential to be anything from a captivating politician to a brilliant engineer, but drugs began to creep into Clay’s life while he was in high school. As trouble hit, his father stepped in and forged an incredible bond with Clay. Although Clay could never be completely honest about the trouble he was in, his love and respect for his father became a lifeline over the last few years. He successfully completed drug rehab several times, but the craving that comes from true addiction was more than he could overcome.
While we always felt we had some grip on Clay’s issues, his ability to hide and disguise his addiction proved superior to our parental (and sibling) sixth sense. The worry that we have felt watching Clay struggle, has been replaced by a deep feeling of loss that now exists knowing we will never see his smiling face again. Despite these troubles, we can smile knowing that the last communication we had with Clay was a text and answer between mother and son to say “I love you”, just as it should be.
To all children, this note is a simple reminder that there are people who love you, with everything they have and no matter what you do – don’t be too afraid/ashamed/scared, too anything, to ask for help. To all parents, pay attention to your children and the world that revolves around them – even when the surface is calm, the water may be turbulent just beneath. Clay’s struggles have ended. He is finally at peace. We will miss his keen sense of humor, impersonations, cooking, plant advice and rhythm on the dance floor.
Goodbye Clay, we love you and miss you dearly.
Mom & Dad, Cole, Wade & Jess, Jean & Lucas
Susan
9 years ago
I wish more would post like this when one dies of an overdose. People need to see how hard this disease can be. God bless him and his family
Cynthia Thorn
9 years ago
Well this was especially moving I really feel for this family. This disease has shown its ugly face in my life and my sister. Its never easy on family when when they lose family members its terrible i dont think i have gotten over my sisters death yet it’d really hard and when there’s something to take that pain away for a little i was so for it. I didnt feel nothing and thats how it started..However my life is fine right now or should i say good Go’s bless your family….
Barb
9 years ago
Last year, I lost my sister in-law 54yo found dead in a chair in her home, after years of alcoholism and depression. I posted it on my timeline and my brother stopped talking to me, I guess, when we AA’s are so comfortable and honest about our selves, some people (non-AA) would rather deny the facts and wish we’d shut up or call it “something else” .As for me God willing 8/21/15 will be 20 yrs without alcohol and if I can help one soul with my sober words so be it !!!! Let GO and Let GOD !!!
June and Billy baker
9 years ago
My son passed on may 16 th 2015.Ricky was a handsome funny kind Hearted would do anything gfor anyone! When he was 21 he took this drug called GHP. HIs body brain never came back the same which he became mentally ill.He would take medicine for his illness but would often not take them and dissapear.We finally got him home after two years. Life was going well for rick getting g back on his medicine for mental illness.In two months got a good tile job.Applied for his licence for LLC for his business bought a truck and was getting ready to move in his rental home.He went to the bar went home with a girl and dead in her house she said that he took some Norco a few she gave him the water but it was her script we have not got any thing back yet till the investigation is over.I wanted to blame everyone.But Can’t The addiction took my son.Addiction took over his life he hated it.Just hated it RIP Ricky Jay Cummings we miss u every Seco d of the day
Barb
9 years ago
OMG, I am so sorry for your loss. Truly heart breaking story about the evil called ADDICTION !!!!!
Cheryl
9 years ago
My heart goes out to everyone that has loved ones struggling with addiction and to the people struggling with addiction. There are some very smart gifted, loving sensitive, caring people fighting addiction. Unfortunately people that don’t know the individual don’t always see them like that. Those people struggling with addiction, most of them would give you the shirt off their backs even if they didn’t have another one. My wish for everyone is to feel comfortable and confident in their own skin. And if only we could see ourselves through others eyes for a few days.?
jon
9 years ago
Amazing article posted by the parents and a great discussion about a lot of unknown. Words can’t express how meaningful dialogue like this is.
Cheryl- amazing post along with the original of the courageous parents. You couldn’t have pin pointed taking care of the issue any better. People go through exactly what you said every day, some on good days and some on bad days (which is irrelevant to the big picture). It’s tough to be comfortable when your brain tells you that you’re uncomfortable. The only thing you can do is understand that it’s not supposed to be easy, take care of yourself, talk, and realize every day sober is a good day. Confidence follows quickly. The roots of these issues are so unknown. Sometimes when you don’t think things are going well, you simply need to trust yourself and the process. It’s tougher on some than others. Great insight and inspiring words. Much appreciated. Take care.
Barb
9 years ago
Your words are “healing” to me…..thanks for saying what you did !!!
mechelle
9 years ago
I’m so sorry for ur loss! Addiction is a horrible thing to have to deal with! I have been an addict for 17 yr of my life! For the first time ever I get to say to my loved ones friends and the whole world I’m clean an sober! It was a yr in april! I know the pain and uncontrollable cravings that addiction brings! Ur message to the world is beautiful and kind! I’m sorry that ur son lost his battle! Just remember that he loved u and never once meant to bring u any pain or hardship! God bless u and ur family!! ?
PAIN
9 years ago
THANKS FOR SHARING
ADDICTION IS A LIFE LONG FIGHT CONGRATS FOR BEING CLEAN FOR A YEAR NOW I HAVE BEEN CLEAN AND SOBER FOR OVER 30 YEARS IT WAS AND IS NOT EASY STAY STRONG ARE TESTOMYS WILL AND CAN HELP OTHERS
Kat
9 years ago
As an addict myself it is a hard demeaning struggle everyday. It’s hard to even look yourself in the mirror let alone turn and ask for help. But it is possible and to my fellow addicts don’t be ashamed bc it can happen to anyone at anytime.
Chris
9 years ago
♡
kevin
9 years ago
We don’t feel good so we try to feel good….psych meds barely work.
Like being in a sound proof room and no one can hear your cry’s for help No matter how many times you ask God please help, Jesus please help as everyone jeers at you … SELFISHNESS AND SELF_CENTERED….action action and more action, get with the program. Truly hell on earth til we get some drug or alcohol. Much rather be waterboarded or tortured by a military dentist. I wouldn’t wish this sort of pain and anguish even on Hitler.
ISM. or I call it.. IT….lonely,dark, and most want to kick the shit out of ya.
Start out perfect as child= I >>>>Separation begins to occur(memes, cultural mind viruses, false belief $Y$tems. CULT-ure)>>>>Me.
Before the separation occurs you are the I AM. Blasphemy among many…another meme basically.
Sorry for your loss but very happy he is truly free and can see clearly now.
Wes coffey
9 years ago
2\18\14 was the date God turned my life around, and I’m thankful everyday. Thanks for carrying the message!!!! # sober life
susan
9 years ago
I only wish that the people that do not comment would try to understand this sickness. It is out of their control and we as parents have no control. All we can do is love and try to understand. We as a nation need to love and learn as much as we can about these drugs and try to teach our children at a young age what it does. May God be with us all because one an addict always an addict. The only difference is being able to stay clean.
Daniel
9 years ago
Their sons Obituary was loving and caring and not edited by shame. They knew it wasn’t their fault. Like I know my aaddiction is mine and I can do something about it. 5 years clean. And I know I have to be aware 24 hours a day I can lose everything. The shame has to go. Shame of overdoses and The shame that keeps suicide under a disguise of suddenly. If more people knew of the number of suicides more attention would give birth to more prevention.
PAIN
9 years ago
PRAISE GOD THIS FSMILY WAS WILL TO PUT THERE FEELINGS ASIDE IN HOPES TO HELP EVEN LOST SOUL AND IF EACH ONE OF US WOULD DO THE SAME LOOK HOW MANY SOULS WE COULD SAVE
Barb
9 years ago
Thanks for your words, many, years ago was my one of several suicide attempts. I saw this in a movie once so, I shot 30cc of air into my veins, put myself into coma for 2 days and 3 days of total blindness” After a week stay in their “Flight Deck” and on my return home, my own husband responded to me that all I did it for was ATTENTION !@#$!…………AA/NA have come a long way since then but more public awareness is desperately NEEDED !!!
jay martinez
9 years ago
I am an alcoholic and i am on probation, every time i wont a qwik buzz or difrent state of mind i turn to a 40 of 211 malt liquor this has led me to be in and out of jail since i was 18. Now that i am 26 with a six year old and my first d.u.i on my record. Im happy that i can hold my baby in my arms once more because i applied no brakes in that accident and yet the lord has spared me once again, it has mad life worth allot more than granit, prais the lord and trust in him to save you !
Anon
9 years ago
Death comes exactly as it should. It is the dream that you do not need to breathe anymore. You are at peace from the roil and tumult of this world, leaving behind those who will wail in the wake of your departure – their cries fading into the absence of sensations causing them to contemplate when such a time will come for them – as it comes for all. The end of life, much like its beginning, is a difficult thing to pin down – it’s impossible to say exactly when it happens.
We grieve perhaps not for others but, instead for ourselves, as we do not know what awaits us on what we call the other side. Sometimes we grieve the absence of the person, or that we did not know them as much as we feel we should have – or even that we too will meet the same inevitable fate. We fear regret – though not the regret of deeds but instead a lack of them. We fear that we will come to pass not having done enough, failing to see how much we actually have done, the lives that we all touch are innumerable, our effects vast and profound and yet we choose never to acknowledge them.
The departed do not wish us to mourn their memory to but instead to celebrate it – memories live in our hearts far longer.
It is better to live in celebration to the end. Living in quiet fear of what has yet to come only dims the light that is present in each of us. We needn’t lament when the celebration ends. Wishing it so only creates disappointment – for it is not up to us to make this decision.
I like to imagine that in our final moments we are finally able to see the fruits of our labor on this planet. All of the lives that we have touched and the connections that we have made that tie us all together. The ties are severed, the strings, no longer ours to hold onto. We release them. The affect like balloons making their way upward as we do, toward greater consciousness and greater love! At the summit we will find ourselves united with all those who, from every direction, have made the same ascent. For everything that rises must converge.
Barb
9 years ago
Nicely put………………….
juls
9 years ago
That is beautiful.
Beth Harding
9 years ago
My step-son will soon be moving in with us. He is 25 years old and a heavy oxycodone user. He lies to everyone, he has stolen for all of us, yet he, like most addicts, think that he is fooling us all. He IS fooling his dad. He is a functioning addict but I see that his behavior will soon catch up to him. In this particular instance, there is no comfort in reading other families struggles. The saddest realization is that we cannot help him until he makes a choice to help himself.
Jon
9 years ago
I am sorry to hear but very lame and disrespectful response. Did you not read the article that was posted? It’s amazing what a few serious questions from people that really care can do. If you think your step-son enjoys being an “addict” you are wrong. He enjoys the high. Apparently he is fooling you as well.
JANET
9 years ago
I have not heard from my son in almost 5 years. I made him lease my home when after years of being in and out of rehab he still continued to use. It was an intervention but not for him, it was for me. I could no longer endue seeing him high. I was afraid to come home and find him dead of an over dose . I was afraid he would node off with a cigarette in his hand and burn the house down. There were some many things I feared for him. Everything I did to try and help him only helped him get high. The last time I heard from him was a message he left on my phone at 5:00 AM on Thanksgiving. He wanted me to know that he loved me and his family. He loved his son too. He had the phone number blocked so I could not call back. I think of him all the time. I wonder if he is still alive. I hold my breath when a news report talks about “a body found in the river”. Addiction will take everything you have then leave you dead. I tried over and over again to get him to stop. But the pull of drugs was too much for him. He is my only child and sometime I feel like a childless mother.
jeanne
9 years ago
janet, i feel your pain. my son is doing the same thing, shutting me out of his life because of his drug addiction. he was injured on his job and had to have surgery. the doctor messed up a nerve and now he is in chronic pain all the time. i’m not sure what he’s doing but i think it’s ketamine. it’s almost more than i can bear, not hearing from him for so long. i want to give him his space but at the same time i want to go scoop him up in my arms and just hold him until the pain goes away. i just don’t know what to do. if this drug addiction kills him, i will die too.
i have a waterfall of tears pouring down my face after reading this young mans obituary. my heart is breaking for his parents…. god help us all.
Lisa
9 years ago
I can resonate, I wish there were a tangible answer that we could put in action. The loss of person that you dearly love, is of the greatest pain one can endure; another is being helpless to save your dearly loved one from that which is not only killing them, but ravages the life they might have—especially when it does not have to be this way! If only we/I could make the choice for them!
However helpless, never hopeless while we yet live.
It is not God’s will that any should perish, He is mighty to save. Even if it would be at last breath. I pray for their choice, choose life.
carol
9 years ago
IT IS UP TO HIM IF HE WANTS TO QUIT, you can not make him quit, but the day will come and he will hit his bottem andthen he will come and ask for help, tell then you have to pray to GOD to help find his way.
Renee
9 years ago
My cousin lost her battle with addiction Dec 27, 2014. She was beautiful, vivacious, outspoken, funny, smart, an awesome mother, a great friend, daughter, sister, cousin. She is missed daily and as much anger that our family felt and still feels at times we know that she is in a much better place than we are. We love and miss you Lacey!
Christine
9 years ago
God Bless all of you and your beautiful son, addiction is a terrible disease and I commend the family for saying so! If more people could understand maybe we can learn and get more help for addiction. It seems to me it’s still a stigma! What a terrible thing it is! You are a beautiful family, God will take care of your son…..
A very loving mother
xoxo
Connie Daniels
9 years ago
6 yrs. Ago on April 11th, 5 days after our daughters birthday I had to look into our little girls eyes who woke on a morning which she was excitedly talking about our week of vacation that was beginning for much needed rest and fun for Easter school break. Little did she know that I was about to crush her heart and change her life forever. I had to tell my innocent fun loving full of life sweet child that her daddy (the lover of her life) had passed away and lost his 20 yr. battle to drug addiction. He had also missed her 14th birthday for the first time and they had not seen each other since Christmas. 5 days before he died he missed for the first time calling her to wish her happy birthday and she was crushed. I suggested she call him to share her disappointment in him bit she never called him because she did want to hurt her DADDY’S feelings. When I told her the heart wrenching news she began to punish herself for no calling him. She thought now it would have saved him. It was always a battle to keep him consistently involved in her life but I was always honest with her about his struggles in his life and that it was never her fault and she was his greatest accomplishment in life. She cries and misses him everyday. I let him be her hero in her life over the years because I never wanted hate for him to creep into her life. She has many attributes of her daddy, full of life, funny, artistic, extremely intelligent, kind, loving, forgiving, and beautiful. One ur before his death he completed rehab which was successful and he took the opportunity to talk to our daughter about the importance of staying away from drugs and he asked for her forgiveness. Their times spent together over the years, although sporadic, he was attentative, fun, they cuddled when she spent the night with him, did art together sprawled out on the floor like 2 kids, took fun drives playing music and singing together and he always told her I love you a million times before hanging up the phone after their long phone conversations. I began to grow angry at him the Las 6 months of his life for hittin our daughter with his empty promises to see her more often and I held her many days while crying about her dad not showing up to pick her up for a day of fun on many occasions. But she always more concerned about his heart than her own. After he passed I grieved so deeply for the high school sweetheart I fallen in love with so many years ago and dealt with incredible guilt for choosing to leave him when our daughter was 3 yrs. old. In my heart I knew it was the right choice but I begs to think now if id just stayed maybe he would have changed at some point. Just last year 5 yrs. after his death I grieved so one night I cried out to God to help me put it to rest. I never cried so much in my life. Full of mixed emotions, guilt, anger towards him for leaving his daughter so soon, and angry that I always had to be the strong one and care for our child all alone. But I got it all out after hours of gut wrenching pain. I forgave me and I forgave him. We love and miss him so much and I pray that somehow this will help someone who is dealing with the same circumstance. Never let hate creep in and be thankful for the tinniest things. Todd is in peace no longer dealing with the demons he had to fight for so long. And as for my daughter, she is one of the bravest survivor I’ve ever known. We honor her daddy and miss him deeply every second of the day. God Bless to those of you who are suffering with addiction and to those of you who love the addict. Do not enable but love them unconditionally and always cling to hope. Be the light in their lives.
Sharon
9 years ago
Thank you for posting. My thought & prayers are with you & your family. Rest in peace now Clay.
I myself am a grateful recovering addict. I lost everything & ended up on the streets. I struggled with my addiction for 31 yrs. It wasn’t until I was finally told by my doctor that I had less than 8 months to live in 2010, I finally gave in & asked/screamed for help, because I couldn’t die & leave my youngest daughter in care thinking I didn’t love her. Thankfully, I got help. I was detoxed off alcohol & prescription drugs. It has been hard at times, but well worth it.
I am grateful because my disease can be kept at bay, 1 day at a time & as long as I follow the 12 step program of recovery & don’t pick up that 1st drink, (as it’s the 1st one that does the damage), I will be fine.
I am 4yrs clean & sober on Monday 15th June (2015) & I have my life back, my Kids back & I’m happy & grateful to be alive.
You can’t help those who aren’t ready. Its sad to say, but only they will know when that is & even then, the addiction is strong, we just have to be determined & stronger & with friends & family support, it can be done.
My prayers to everyone in active addiction & family members dealing with it & I hope you can all get what I have got, Peace.
shannon
9 years ago
If only his “close and clanish family” had grasped recovery
Rebecca
9 years ago
My husband struggled from addition for years. I worked over night hours as a manager at the beginning of our marriage and he worked during the day so we did not see each other often. Then I started to see signs of him changing. It only got worse from that point on. I found drugs in his car and the more I searched the more I found. I left him and went back home for him to lie to me and tell me he would never do it again. So I went back. He was great at hiding it but I kept watching him go down hill and I would find it over time. This went on for years. I had perfect credit a savings account ect. I went to check the balance on my banking things to see it iwas all gone. All of it. He open credit cards up and charged them up (which was to get things for his so called friends). He charged so many of them up it got to where I could not pay them all back and my credit rating went down because we were married and he used my information on them also so he could get approved. He wanted to go back to school and promised he was going to clean up. I moved from Louisiana to Arizona so he could go to school and to get him away from his so called friends. Well there are those kind of friends in Arizona also that went to his school and he fit right into their group. He was having fun while I was working and supporting him to go to school. He did graduate and we moved back home because he got a job right out of college back home and I transfer with my company. He came home worse off than when we left only with a degree. He hit bottom a few years after we moved home and realized it and wanted help. He admitted himself into rehab. Was the happiest day of my life he was getting help. I took him and went and visited daily on visiting hours. Two weeks later they released him. My dad passed away a month later and he relapsed and this time ended up in ICU almost dead himself. He got out on Christmas eve that year and went to church with me and my family for the first time in years. He went to AA meetings and sign a contract to attend ARC meetings for a year. He went to ARC daily for 2 hours and was drug tested for that year and he finally got clean. I attended Allanon meetings which I highly recommend to anyone who has a love one strugging with drugs or alcohol. I am one of these people who never thought this would happen to me or my husband. I never pictured we would have to go threw something like this. I kept it a secret from all of my family friends and work especially. During the time he was getting help I had to tell everyone where he was and why I needed them to babysit or off work so I could go to support him. Telling my parents and his was the hardest thing I had to do during all of this but I would not have changed one thing that happen during those years because I was not alone anymore. I had help from other loved ones to help watch him. My family was not as easy because they could not understand why I put up with it and why I stayed. They attend meetings as well and saw what it was about and realized it was a disease not something he was doing by choice there were things in life that he did not want to feel. He lost a good friend who killed herself while he was on the phone with her in middle school. So when my dad died that set him off to not wanting to feel again. I actually stayed with my mom for several months after my dad died just to not have to deal with it. But he got help and has been clean for 6 years. He still gets monthly drug tests just because I want them even 6 years later. Trust is one thing I am working on even 6 years later. I gave it back so many times to have it taken away over and over again. But it is also a way for him to know what he has to lose if it ever came back positive. I finally have my husband back. The one I meet in 9th grade and married 7 years after our 1st date. I have the fun family involved guy that is a awesome dad and husband. Yes we have been together for 26 years and half of that was a struggle because of his addition. But he was a lucky one and got his life together after years of struggling. He had to leave all those friends behind and has not seen or talked to them . They neer came to the hospital or called to check on him when he almost die. They were not there after he recovered and still are not there today. I was his best friend as he was mine since we meet in 9th grade and that is your true friends the ones who will be there to help you not drag you down with them. There is help available but unless they want the help it will not work. Hopefully almost dying or actually dying will not be the way everyones story will end but with a story like mine with happiness and having the love of my life back in the end.
Margaret. M.
9 years ago
God will not give us any more than we can handle. I don’t know how many times death knocked at my door due to drugs and alcohol, family, friends, police, doctors were there when the door was opened. I am so sorry for this young man and all the innocent souls lost due too dependacy to alcohol and drugs. Only by the grace of God and fellowship of group meeting s, reach out some one will be there! 4Years7months2weeks sober.
Margaret
9 years ago
God will not give us any more than we can handle. I don’t know how many times death came knocking at my door due to drugs and alcohol, family, friends, police, doctors were there when the door was opened. I am sorry for this young man and all the innocent souls lost due to drugs and alcohol dependancy. It’s been 4years 7month s 2wks since I’ve taken a drink by the grace of God and A.A.
Marlene
9 years ago
Prayer to the family. Very inspirational . Although, I have not lost my son to death because of the drugs. I have lost him to prison for 42 years due to drugs. I now understand that it is a sickness just like any medical sickness We can get. I tryed everything to help him. Just couldn’t . I love him and visit and talk to him regular. I am hoping its enough for when He gets out. I pray everyday for all these people with this addiction. And I pray to get to see him live a regular life again. Prayer for this family.
Andreas dison
9 years ago
I too have struggled with addiction until December 6 2013 my amazing day of grace and I just want to say that even though life gets tough we can all make it together but can never do it alone. Reach out don’t let yourself be another statistic or death help is out there be strong
Karen
9 years ago
I have type 1 bi- Polar (originally diagnosed Manic Depressed in the 70’s) and had used cocaine for 35 years. Obviously the use became heavier as my career took off. I believed I was under control. I had a great career…cocaine, well, it kept me going and going and going. I rose very quickly up the corporate ladder…I could not anticipate the fall. I was extremely manic and my drug and alcohol use was rendering my anti- psychotic medication useless. One day I couldn’t get up for work. My reign was over. The switch flipped. I was depressed and suicidal. I never returned to work. My drug use escalated….I sunk deeper. I wanted to die. My mental illness and addiction were bigger than me. The doctors decided that bi- lateral ECT (shock treatment) would be my only hope….things went from bad to worse. Long story short…they couldnt “satisfactory seizures” from me….lowe
Karen
9 years ago
Sorry, kicked myself out of my last comment somehow…so I’ll continue here. ….they couldn’t get satisfactory seizures so the lowered my anti-seizure meds, dialed up the voltage going to my brain…and tried again. I over- seized. I broke my two front teeth on the bite plate they put in your mouth and my d
Karen
9 years ago
It kicked me out again. Anyways…brain damage. Unable to work anymore. A raging mental illness and addiction stemming back 35 years…..the only way I could get thru the loss of my former life filled with penthouses, traveling etc was to increase my drug use. Now I just rolled over in the morning to the night table and started my day like that. Everyday I prayed it would be my last. I went to rehab 4 times, 3 dual diagnosis programs……but do the math. 200+ days of rehab, programming, etc versus 35 years of use. Why were people so disappointed after 28 days? I did get sober…on my own. My dad died unexpectedly, the next month my brother died suddenly and 3 months later my mom got cancer. Somewhere in there, I couldn’t let them down anymore. I now live in my daughters basement. I don’t go anywhere because , for me, the need to use is so great….I just stay at home and fight every day. Everyday i cry. Everybody is so proud. To me my life is already over……there is no quality. I now see demons and my doctors are trying to treat that. I’m not happy that I’m clean and sober…..everybody else is…..but they don’t live in the basement with the demons. 4 years clean and sober.
Tinker
9 years ago
My son is struggling with addiction. After reading this article, he sent me a heartfelt text indicating his love and appreciation toward me. But most importantly, his wish to change and wanting better for himself. He thanked me for caring for him unconditionally. I will support him in continuing to find help for him to hopefully overcome this additction.
Thank you for allowing me to share – the article may save some of our children.
cissy
9 years ago
I am truly sorry for the loss of this young man. We have a son struggling with an addiction to k2. It has taken ahold of him and devouring him. He was such a bright, loving, respectful and hard working young man. Now he is a totally different person. He isnt the son I know. I am afraid everyday that we are gonna get a phone call or k.ock on the door with bad news. We have tried the tough love, the trying to shield him. Nothing works. He refuses help. Any one that has to deal with a loved one going thru an addiction my heart goes out to them. It kills the families slowly.
I never in a million years thought I would have to say the words “my son is a drug addict”. He has seen several people in his life die from overdoses and has family members that are addicts and we thought for sure that would keep him away from this mess but it sure wasnt. It is a demon that has ahold of him. Only God can move.this!
carol
9 years ago
my name is carol
i have been clean for about 4yrs now, it will be on oct the 16 2011 it will be 4 i have 3 yrs not smoking.And i am greatful that i am here today to let others know that there are meetings to go to arould the world. I am grateful that i have a family who is in NA and also AA, other family members who are there for me.And i have GOD in my life for 3 yrs now and i am doing alot better.So if you need help to stop drugs,ASK SOMEONE FOR HELP BEFORE IT IS TO LATE PLEASE.
Walter
9 years ago
I could write a really really long story about i as an addicted Person came free of all KIND of drugs and alcohol addictions.
I was using drugs 34 years of my life. 1974 i stopped taken LSD, 1982 i stopped drinking Alcohol, at that time i drunk 25 1/2 beers every single day and the last half year before i stopped also 1 bottle southern comfort. Like before, in this case too, i stopped from one day to another without medical help “Cold Turkey”, i still was consuming Hashish. Also i still worked in a Restaurant and selling Beverages to the people. 1991 i stopped taking Cocaine, i was at that time on 3 grams per day! I did this too from one day to another, no medical help too. 2000 after 34 years then, i stopped taking Hashish and Marijuana, also from one day to another.
By the way for all these things which was happened in my life this is the truth and there are still people out in this cruel world they can let you know that everything is truth.
Son now you want to know what and who helps me??? I was always praying to a God without name,asking for help, yes the Creator of this Universe HELPS me stopping with my ADDICTIONS !!!!!
If you do not believe this short life story, there are still many people alive in Frankfurt, Germany they can confirm it.
amy
9 years ago
Im struggling with an opioid addiction right now. I also have severe bipolar and depression and a host of other mental and physical problems. I’m on disability and they put me on spend down and I can’t afford it so I no longer have insurance. Been off my much needed meds since January. That I’ve survived this long is a miracle. I hate myself and my addiction more and more every day and contemplate ending my life multiple times every day. I’m terrified of detox and I’m at my Witt’s end. Suboxone helped so much but no insurance now. I’m a mother and disgusted with myself. Any advice would be appreciated. What can I do with no insurance where I won’t lose my disability or more importantly my child. I may take zero care of myself but i do everything for my son. I would like to say I’m an excellent mother but not taking care of myself prevents me from that. I know I need to be 100%for his sake. Please anyone that knows something I can do to get clean any programs anything I you might be saving a life.
Kevin
9 years ago
To Amy-
Don’t you dare hate yourself! That you’re fighting your addiction and still taking care of your son is something to be proud of!
But, you say you have to be 100% to do that: 100% means realizing Your worth and how much you mean to your son.
I don’t have a magic answer: my Partner shot himself in front of me in Feb., ten years before: hebhad major back surgery and then began the Pain Med Rollercoaster.
Knowing his circumstances well, I’m sure the meds didn’t help his mental well-being. They also had him on Trazadone (sleep) and Clonazepam (anxiety) for almost the ten years.
So no, I’m not saying I understand Addiction or It’s remedy, if any.
But, in my grieving, anything positive helps me through another day.
Keep loving your son Amy, AND yourself: can’t keep being Superman for him if you’re sitting on Kryptonite.
Paula J Doyle
5 years ago
Could be obit for my son who overdosed in 2014 at 24 yrs old. Beautiful young man, so much talent and personality , loved by everyone but couldn’t find the love for himself and he started drugs also in high school. Thank you for sharing this.
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