Nov 4, 2014 | By Tim Stoddart
3 Completely Wrong Stereotypes About Recovery
Recovery
Let’s face it… we all put labels on people.
I think as human beings it makes it easier for us to categorize people in a way. Just think back to high school, even then we were labeled as jocks or goths or preps. There is something about labels that must be comforting to us.
As we all know by now, labels and stereotypes are rarely accurate. This is no different for those of us in recovery.
I know first hand how it feels. I’ve been called white trash, a junky and a drunk. I’ve been considered a lost cause. I’ve been thrown in jail a bunch of times so you better believe I’ve been labeled by cops and the court system. I have lots of tattoos and I wear Converses everywhere. I get starred at a lot when walking down the street.
There’s no question I fit into the “addict stereotype.” It is a mission of ours to crush these labels so that people in recovery don’t have to hide who they are. The family here at Sober Nation believes that you should be able to be yourself, whatever that may look like.
Over the years I’ve seen the most common stereotypes pop up over and over again. It’s humorous at this point how off the mark they are. Believe me, if these stereotypes were accurate, I would be the first one to admit it. But they are not. They are completely wrong.
Let’s take a look.
1 – Alcoholics Anonymous is a Cult
Look, I get it. From an outside perspective, Alcoholics Anonymous may seem a little weird. I remember my first meeting. There was an awkward silence in between shares. Some woman was sitting on the floor knitting a sweater or something. It felt pretty uncomfortable.
Not to mention all this talk about God and Higher Power and surrender and turning your life over. For those that don’t know anything about 12 step fellowships, I could see how this would appear a bit peculiar.
Some people are die hard AA members, other’s not so much. Regardless of your personal opinion here is what you need to know about AA.
The steps are simply a process to learn about yourself, to find something to belong to and to help other people in their battle of addiction. The steps give you a guide for doing your best, making amends when necessary, getting out of yourself and dealing with situations.
Once you get a good understanding of the steps, there is no denying how ingenious they are. Alcoholic or not, everyone could benefit from the steps.
All 12 step fellowships are simple. They are a group of people who share a common problem, who help each other. That’s all it is. People in AA don’t have any master plans, or any objectives. All they are trying to do is stay sober, a day at a time. Personally, I find that kind of beautiful.
2 – People in Recovery are Boring
Maybe you’re just boring.
This is the one stereotype that I find most interesting. For whatever reason, we as a people, associate alcohol with fun. Listen here, I will tell you that alcohol and drugs can be a great time. Some of my favorite memories are with friends and family getting bombed.
However, I have learned that the alcohol isn’t what made it fun. For me, I’ve realized that alcohol is just a cover up for shit that makes us uncomfortable. I remember being in social situations, not knowing what to do. I didn’t know how to feel, or who to talk to. I didn’t know what to do with my hands or how to introduce myself to new people. So I would get trashed. Raise your hand if you can relate.
The funny thing is that now that I don’t drink, I feel ten times more comfortable in social situations.
My experience has told me that people in recovery enjoy life to the fullest. There are a few reasons for that.
- We don’t waste money on drugs and booze, which gives us more freedom to travel and have experiences.
- We have learned to enjoy the simple things in life.
- Recovery has taught us to be comfortable with ourselves, which takes the anxiety and the need to impress people out of everyday life.
- We have learned what happiness and joy is really about. The people that we love and the moments we share together.
- We have a gratitude for where we are and it makes all the little things that much more special.
I didn’t get sober to be bored, I got sober to have fun in life and recovery.
Granted, this is all just personal opinion, but I can assure you that the people I know in recovery have a blast. Nowadays we do all the things we used to talk about doing. It’s more than a bar stool fairy tale. It’s real life, and we live it.
Just this year my friends and I have gone to Vegas and then went to Los Angeles. We rented an RV and drove to Tennessee and went to Bonnaroo. I went to San Diego and New Orleans. I’ve taken trips to Philly for family events. We went sea kayaking and snorkeling on my birthday. We’ve gone to numerous concerts, we enjoy the weekends.
Life is so fun these days sometimes I don’t know how to deal with it.
3 – Recovered Addicts are Still Losers Who Just Don’t do Drugs Anymore
I’ve heard this a million times, and it’s fucking bullshit.
Just because you have struggled with addiction by no means does that make you a loser. Anyone who feels the need to put other people down because of their personal hardships is the definition of insecure, and their opinion doesn’t matter anyway.
If you are an addict in recovery, you are the exact opposite of a loser. You are among the strongest people in the world. Actually consider for a minute how difficult it is to get clean. Think of all the people that have tried and failed to maintain sobriety. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, by far. The odds are against you, yet there you are, staying clean and sober like a bad ass.
Recovery is not an anchor, it is a pair of wings. Our experience has strengthened us, and it puts all other problems into perspective. Life is difficult for everyone. For those who have survived addiction, we know a special kind of misery. When I am feeling down, I reflect on what I have gone through and it makes me realize how good I actually have it.
As far as being successful, (in whatever your definition of the word is) I know dozens of successful people in recovery. They have business’, healthy families, good hobbies. They build things, they create things. It’s remarkable.
For those that are young and are in recovery, we give you an extra solute for doing it with all the pressures of your peers.
Despite What You Hear – Recovery is Awesome
So there it is. At the end of it what I am trying to say is that being in recovery shouldn’t define you, and we shouldn’t let other people define us in that way. In the end we are all just people, trying to share love with each other and navigate our way through the maze of life.
What we are is different from who we are. What we are is in recovery, who we are… well that’s for us to decide.
Wendy Keech
9 years ago
Just finished reading “Three Completely Wrong Stereotypes about Recovery”. Pure brilliance! I am 54 y/o, and have struggled and am currently struggling with addiction. I’ve been an alcoholic/drug addict since the age of 17. I’ve had quite a few stints in rehabs, psych wards, and hours of out-patient counseling too numerous to remember. I think this should be required reading not only for us, but especially for the non-addicts who had better thank their lucky stars they never have to experience the hell that is addiction. Thank you for making my shame a little more bearable today.
Emily
9 years ago
I’ve been the program for almost 7 years and I’ve never heard it put so honestly and eloquently. Thank you ! You describe my life perfectly and it’s just another reminder of why I do what I do 🙂
David
9 years ago
Why deal with the bull shit what ever happens happens. ..fuck it
David
9 years ago
And to the post above we did this to our selves stop playing your self….
Ryan
9 years ago
Saw some good points but also fear and anger, takes me back to early sobriety when I was worried about what people thought more than working the program.
Megan
9 years ago
To the person above who said us non-addicts should be thankful we never had to go through the hell of addiction, please take a few mintues and stop and think of the hell family and friends go through when dealing with loving an addict…then tell me to be thankful.
Jackie
8 years ago
Couldn’t have said that better myself…I was really having a hard time not responding to that comment. I never read anything here about the collateral damage that is left in the addicts wake.
Super Don
9 years ago
Hello fellowship and those seeking answers, I am now 10 years sober and all my mindsets about AA and life have changed dramatically and continually. So what I know doesn’t mean s**t. Life is truly amazing and I love the change of my perceptions. Doesn’t mean we have life figured out and stop falling short. But the spiraling fall of despair has a shorter lifespan replaced by humility to be teachable. That is why I love the fellowship. Your experience strength and hope is forever there for me. As long as I am willing to ask or accept it. So Yes I am happy to say that all of the above mindsets where once owned by me, but today cannot find why I wasted so much time in such ridiculous thinking. Life is great !
Dave
9 years ago
I have a few more insights if you are interested. let me know if I can share with you
Carly Maxwell
9 years ago
Im 21 and three weeks clean. I’ve always been weird about AA probably for the reasons you stated. But this article is a great encouragement and I plan on checking out a meeting this week. Thanks for the read
Eric Ebbole
9 years ago
I was just released from prison they didn’t have any God centered programs while I was in, so I hung out with Christians and got a great understanding what Jesus did for us and his example on how to live, its the greatest gift from God if we except it, now I’m doing meetings daily working the steps and living sober. Thank God for sober stories shared.
dan
9 years ago
The Twelve Steps are a systematic process derived out of Judeo-Christian spiritual principles designed to induce a spiritual awakening that establishes conscious contact with God, and a spontaneous purging of the obsessive desire to drink and drug from the individual.
I really wanted to like this article more than I was able, but the writer makes the 12 step fellowships sound like they ought to be some sort of causal social adventure.
Having a spiritual awakening through ANY means (In this case through the 12 step method) is the hardest thing any human being will ever have to do in their lifetime. Undergoing such a drastic experience within a 12 step fellowship doesn’t make it easier – it’s just a presentation that simplifies the proceeds so even a demented, sick alcoholic or addict can follow – despite their extreme narcissistic tendencies. ~ djs
troytroy007@gmail.com
9 years ago
Well said…the word anonymous comes to my mind and what others think of me is really not my business. I don’t oppose or endorse any cause. Watch my feet.
mo ga
9 years ago
Well said the both of your comments. Took the words right outta my mouth and said it better the way JFS described it thoroughly accurate and totally well spoken and more impressive than I could have managed myself but trust had the reply author not written the response I had read then I would have come thru ya better believe it thus prompted me to write a compliment in reply to the reply to the original article.||°° Fun? Fun! & We are done, let’s go & have some real fun now!! Thanks again and Peace!! ~”MØ!”~™
Drew
9 years ago
By definition AA is most definitely a cult, that’s not a bad thing but it is what it is. People who claim that it’s not are misrepresenting what it actually is, which is a publicly anonymous gathering of people with a common goal, which is the very definition of a cult. Most cults are not a bad things, just the one’s that we here about. If your going to embrace the program you need to accept the good and the bad I feel like
Dan
8 years ago
I’m not sure you have ever looked up the definition of “cult”, to be a “cult” there are very specific details that AA, a group of people who can have any higher power and seeking to have their own sense of spirituality, do not fall into. “a system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object.”
“the cult of St. Olaf” is the definition of a cult
Jake
9 years ago
I am 31 years old and have been in and out of AA since I was 18. I’ve been to rehab, jail and mental institutions. I’ve been in the rooms, more than out and have met a lot of people in the years past. I’ve tried to be as accepting as possible and keep my personal judgments in check when dealing with my fellows. I believe my opinions should not influence the way I treat others, nor their opinion or past actions. The author clearly states that he is simply stating his opinion, feelings and experience in and around AA. For those of you who said the author wrongly defined or described AA/steps/fellowship, you’ve been blinded by ignorance and pomp. You should rethink your ego driven impulses to prove your superiority in life. Accept that everyone has an opinion, its a God given right as a human being. This has been a real hindrance to myself as well as others I know. An opinion is a self expression of ones feelings or perspective towards something/someone or a situation. Who are you to say that they are wrong? Only God has that right. I believe what is shared in meetings would be a lot more honest, raw and real if today’s society wasn’t in fear of being shamed or chastised for being outside what is “cool” or popularly acknowledged as “right”! If I can’t rid the actual causes of my condition then I can never get right with myself as well as GOD. This means getting completely honest and vulnerable with my fellows without that fear of being accepted. This is my opinion based on my experience with AA and being a sober member of AA. To the author, I wanna thank you for your post.
sky
9 years ago
AA is awesome. It’s helped me. I love it.
mark dellacqua
9 years ago
You can be a loser and be sober. You can be sober and are still suffering from untreated alcoholism/drug addiction. God + 12 Steps= non-loser status.
Me
9 years ago
I am very disturbed by this passage:
“Think of all the people that have tried and failed to maintain sobriety. It is the hardest thing I have ever done, by far. The odds are against you, yet there you are, staying clean and sober like a bad ass.”
It is very negative to those who are still trying with all their heart and can’t stay clean, because their addiction is stronger than their willpower (which is part of the disease). This people need help, yet they are heroes too and did not fail, as you word it.
Even YOU are only one little drink away to ‘fail’ and be ‘unsuccessful’ according to your article. I believe, that there is no failure unless you stop trying.
So please, people that like to be in recovery and didn’t make it yet and those who kept falling over hurdles…. You are NOT a failure, YOU are a HERO as well. It takes to be a hero to admit that somebody needs help. Keep on trying and reach out for help. Help is available at many levels, some can get sober through AA, others through the help of church, and others need either inpatient or outpatient treatment. Don’t be afraid, that it will be hard. The earlier you do this step, the easier it is. It’s not a piece of cake, but you don’t have to go through that alone.Reach out, even heroes need a helping hand sometimes, nothing wrong with that. There are places to help you at any stage you are. Please do not let stigma or fear hold you back from claiming life.
Dave W.
9 years ago
I don’t think he’s being negative, or squashing hope….just telling the cold truth of the matter. And based upon my journey thru addiction & the rooms, I agree with his statement 100%; no reason to candy coat it. He even ends his statement with a message of hope, which is something that can never be killed!
– Dave W. Area 71, District 38 AA
Carol
8 years ago
Staying clean has nothing to do with will power. Surrendering our will to a power greater than ourselves is what we do. We have a spiritual awakening as a result of working the steps of the program. We live by spiritual principles one day at a time. It is said that the person who got up earliest that morning has the most clean time that day. We are works in progress each day, the only thing we do perfectly is not use. Yes we do live happy, joyous and free lives as long as we follow all of the suggestions of the program.
Dan
8 years ago
You are not a hero or a badass and you are not doing it, this is what step 1 means
janet
9 years ago
Inspiring article. Thanks. It couldn’t have come at a better time.
Bruce C
9 years ago
I never could have imagined n/a would have been such a great part of my life. If you think life is over just cuz you are a drug addict. You couldn’t be more wrong. Nobody could have been more lost as I was. But I gave n/a a chance, a real chance, I did everything the program asked me to do. And in just a short time I went from being a strung out,homeless, unemployed loser to being clean having a great job a nice apartment to live in I’m buying a truck next week I got my family back in my life. And I’ve only been clean for 112 days. I’m not taking anything for granted. I stay in the program I go to meetings regularly and I’m thankful every day. So what I’m saying is if your lost in addiction and you want a better life go find a meeting give it just half the effort you give to getting hi and you will start seeing great changes happen in your life.
Samantha Founain
9 years ago
Love this!
Jack
9 years ago
I drank for years, most the time without too much difficulty. Slowly, it got worse , not perceptive to me, maybe others.
I totally didn’t understand AA, nor that I wasn’t alone. Finally, my drinking was completely out of my control. I was so fearful evertime I drank, not knowing what the outcome would be. I started to have panic attacks. Anyway, one morning I woke to a severe panic attack and hangover. I took “medication “, to help me. Once settled, I read portions of the Big Book… I found I wasn’t alone. . Yes, I had heard about AA, but it never really occurred to me, it was meant for me. I’m 6 years sober; and believe I’m not a losers or boring, and recovery is awesome. I am so much more comfortable with myself and enjoy the people I’m with, whether or not they are drinking. Other people’s drinking isn’t about my drinking and I don’t care. I enjoyed my drinking a lot! I had good times. .. but when it’s over, it’s over. I’m happy it’s over.. Now, I kept it a secret that I quit drinking from everyone ( I’m on a diet, I don’t feel well, has too much yesterday , give me a minute I’ll have one shortly). One night, after 1 &1/2 years sober, I asked my wife “do I drink anymore”, she thought for minute, “I’m going to say yes, but not nearly as much as you use to and probably only when you’re traveling”.. I told her, “I don’t drink anymore and haven’t for a year and a half”. She smiled, hugged me and said, “you’re amazing”. Someday soon I’m going to go to my 1st AA meeting. I have a lot to tell and learn. .. AA has helped me in ways i don’t even know. … we are all people, in different stages of disrepair.. But, we are all just People doing our best.. Thank you all for your help and
support.
Whitney Davis
9 years ago
I appreciate the message of this article. I think it is well written and I enjoyed what you had to say over all. I think it is a beautiful piece that should be read by the public. I will share this article for sure.
However I do have a concern about the fact that two traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous have been broken within the comments regarding this article. Please remember that stating that you are a member of a twelve step program can be really harmful to the program as well as people who could be interested in a program. I am not insinuating that it will happen to anyone who is writing on this post…. but what happens when a person identifies themselves in social media as a member of a twelve step group like AA relapses? People who see that the person who said they were a member of the group may then assume that the program doesn’t work. What if that person is an alcoholic looking for help? Or they have a loved one who is looking for help? I believe that it is always important for a member of a twelve step group to remember that alcoholism and drug addiction is deadly. A suggestion may be to air on the side of caution within this matter. It is not breaking any traditions to say that you are in recovery and belong to a twelve step program as long as the specific program is not mentioned. I believe that is the best way to share that one is recovering without causing harm to specific twelve step programs that save millions of peoples lives.
Tradition 11 states that ” Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press radio and films”. I believe that the internet is included now. But due to the fact that technology was not advanced in the mid-late 40’s when the twelve traditions were created that it could not be stated within the actual tradition. Also tradition twelve, “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all of our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.”
The traditions are why the program of Alcoholics Anonymous works.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_tradition12.pdf
http://silkworth.net/pdfBillW/Editorial-On-the-12th-Tradition-Nov-1948.pdf
I commend and congratulate everyone who is in recovery. It is not an easy road to walk. Written with concern and love for twelve step programs that save lives every day including my own <3
Dawn
8 years ago
I’m not an addict , but I believed the author truly expressed addiction perfectly ! Also , I agree that our society should not be so judgmental on our choices , for they have not walked in our shoes ; therefore , support others and congratulations their success . After all , we are only human and our choices may not always be the right thing , but our strength to change the past is what makes us stronger . … congrats to all who have overcome this battle !
Mark Herring
8 years ago
I think the greatest misconception about addicts/alcoholics, is that even after years of recovery, we still crave, or long for, a drink or a drug. This misconception is so far from the truth it makes me chuckle! The truth is, those of us who have embraced and have been committed to a program of recovery, probably have less of a “need” than the “normal” individual. I am no hero, but for several years I have had not even an inkling to “behave” like I once did. MAH
Stephanie Schilling
8 years ago
Thanks, Tim, this article rocks!
Lindsay
8 years ago
I enjoyed this article. And this is why. When I got clean one of the hardest things for me to give up was the lifestyle. The first three months of sobriety I literally sat in my room and watched television and read books. I didn’t know what to do with myself. And then I found a group called Friends in Recovery which was a group that was formed for people newly in recovery to not only make friends in a support group setting, but also do activities like pottery, movies and museums together. I really wish there were more groups out there like that because a common misconception about chronic relapsers is that they don’t want it bad enough or aren’t ready to be clean. Getting clean is more than just getting off drugs, it is a lifestyle change and sometimes that is the hardest part.
Barb
8 years ago
AA is not a religion either, despite what SCOTUS says. That ruling just tells me how out of touch those people are.
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